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Jan 20, 2014
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Silently into the night
Silently into the night
into the silence of the chilly night
with softest music did they us delight
a distant note on a lively accordion
followed by a reverberation on a violin
Silently into the night
sounds of soft musical lovely notes
to our ears were like soothing anecdotes
sounds of soft musical lovely notes
to our ears were like soothing anecdotes.
Silently into the night they strung
whistling by then had suddenly sprung....
blowing clarinets from distant sand dunes
were like variable softly played tunes.
Silently into the night
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Seren
11 years 5 months ago
Dear Loved
As I said 'post it' I have one suggestion on a second read
sounds of soft musical lovely notes
to our ears were like soothing anecdotes
sounds of soft musical lovely notes
to our ears were like soothing anecdotes.
In some instances using the same word so close together 'notes' and 'anecdotes' can strengthen a poem in this case I think it weakens the poem I would try and find alternatives for one set of the above words, there are many other choices and you can change your lines to fit better with the chosen words
just a suggestion of course, I liked the tone of this one I will come back to this when I can find time and maybe go over it again and see if there is anything else I can suggest
love JC xxx
loved
11 years 5 months ago
shall
await till later
this has been in Q
for quite a while