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M4GG0TM3NT4L
M4GG0TM3NT4L
May 18, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Six Teen

It all boils down to numbers, you know.
How many days do I have left to live?
The grass beneath my feet, how many blades?
1, 2, 3, 4
Even numbers are the sweetest,
breathe in.
5, 6, 7, 8
breath out.
Persuading my mind to become calm,
The days go by, and by, and by,
How long have I lived for?
100 years.
each day begins with me being enveloped in fear
will I die this day? tomorrow?
Counting down to my
demise
The sun rises again,
and I breathe in,
9, 10, 11, 12
and out.
Always at the back of my mind,
The next second could be my last
The weeks are Long, but fast.
I only want to cling to you
A little longer,
Holding you tighter and tighter
until I can't ever let you go again.
each fleeting moment with you, my love,
is more important than I am as a whole.
A hole, torn into my soft skin where
You once were.
I can't remember when I saw you last,
Yesterday? 2 months?
I miss you horribly
13, 14, 15, 16
The blood seeps into the wall and rots as the years go by.
I love you.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: amurica

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 years 1 month ago

Neopoet AI

Watch this space! Our AI is thinking of a response. This typically takes up to 10 minutes.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 1 month ago

I am...

thinking that I will come back to this a bit later. I need a little time to process this one. ~ Geezer.
.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 1 month ago

The reason...

I wanted some time to process this one
was because I was pretty tired and wanted to be fresh when I sussed it out.
Plus, I wanted to read one of Poe's poems that this one reminded me of.
Yes, "The Telltale Heart", The counting, didn't make a connection for me at first,
but as I read it, the numbers resuming and the breathing in and out, it made an impression on me,
like the beating of a heart, and then I thought of "The Fall of the House of Usher".

This has so many qualities that feel like a Poe tale, that I felt you had taken
a bit from each story and added them to your own. "The blood seeps into the wall and rots
as the years go by". "I love you". Clinches it for me. This is great stuff~ Geezer.
.