Neopoet Weekly 10/27/23 to 11/02/24

(Read More...)

Skin Deep

Loosely wearing,
a dress made of night.
all down her back,
buttons of star-light.

Luminous moonlight
shines on her face,
highlights her features
a silhouette of grace.

Contours, exotic
feminine wiles,
hidden behind
winsome smiles.

Face of an angel
soft full lips,
take you to heaven
on sway of her hips

secretive nature
deceptive eyes,
concealing a cache...
of unspoken lies.

Splendor about her,
skin smoothe as cream.
it's really a shame,
she isn't all she would seem!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: written on Candlewitch notepad on: 10-27-2024

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

8 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Beauty?" effectively utilizes vivid imagery and metaphor to explore the theme of deceptive appearances. The use of celestial imagery, such as "a dress made of night" and "buttons of star-light," creates an ethereal and captivating image of the subject. The rhythm and rhyme scheme also contribute to the overall flow of the poem, making it pleasing to read.

However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further development. The transition from the subject's physical beauty to her deceptive nature could be more seamless. As it stands, the shift is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the reader's engagement with the poem.

Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the subject's character. While the final lines reveal that she isn't all she seems, the reader is left wondering why this is the case. Providing more insight into her deceptive nature could add depth to the poem and make the subject more complex and intriguing.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphor. While the celestial imagery is striking, it's not carried through the entire poem. Maintaining this metaphor throughout could provide a more cohesive and impactful reading experience.

In conclusion, while the poem is effective in its use of imagery and rhythm, it could benefit from a smoother transition between themes, further character development, and a more consistent use of metaphor.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

8 months ago

Wow dear Candle!

I really like this descriptive piece.
Splendid language choice, and it's really a shame that it's all a deceptive beauty!
I really like this bittersweet piece.
Well crafted indeed.

Candlewitch

8 months ago

My Dearest Rula,

I am so glad that this poem meets with entertainment value for you ;) The thing that bothers me about it is the title...I am thinking of changing it to (Skin Deep!) what do you think? I put much value on your opinion.

*Candle xxx