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Feb 21, 2011
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A Slight Contrast
When I wake up
The sunlight’s hands reaching into my eyes
Divinity, you were a goddess I contained
We wash our pasts with the memories we regret
Skewed versions of what we want to believe
Take me far from here, to a place without fear
I welcome the change
When I fall asleep
The moon looking at me, pulling my eyes closed
Royalty, you were a peasant I adored
We cleaned our futures with dreams we forget
Altered visions of a world we will never see
Let me sleep right here, drift to a place with tears
I welcome the river.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
14 years 4 months ago
i could feel the contrasting
i could feel the contrasting emotions so very well scripted here...a pleasure read for me..
the title of the poem really sits very wekk here with the theme...
weirdelf
14 years 4 months ago
the last line made the poem
you know I have an antipathy to love poems but this was honest,
the line
Divinity, you were a goddess I contained [is either pretentious or self effacing, not sure which]
But to bo perfectly honest, it adds nothing to the genre of love poetry, Not your fault. It is just a genre that has been done to death.
washing tears
14 years 4 months ago
jess, it wasnt meant as a
jess, it wasnt meant as a love poem, however i can see where it came off as that. it was meant as a contrast from being awake and dreaming, wants and gets, a dream looking in the mirror and seeing life, as life looks in the mirror and sees the dream.
thank you for your time friend.
weirdelf
14 years 4 months ago
oops
repeated post