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Jan 14, 2023
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This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week January 15th to January 21st 2023
A slowing river runs deep.
All I did was blink
and suddenly frail and forgetful
had stolen the vibrancy
I’d taken for granted.
Your look still bears that familiar smile
which sparks an ebbing life
and brightens dimming eyes.
But when you think
no one’s watching,
I am…
as this consumptive malaise
pervades your sagging face
and spirits you off for poppy naps,
the flickering star-light fades,
I watch your mouth turn down
In that soft dreamtime curve
and my heart cries the river
that floats you on eddies
of timeless sleep
I know a day will come
our connection will be broken
your star gaze will not return
and I’ll cry a new empty ocean.
But until then,
in sleep’s folded caress
a slow river runs calm,
its watery fingers polish
the unforgettable shine
on the touchstone
of my love,
hoping its undying spark
reawakens you.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wrote this poem for my Dad years before he passed last year. I wanted to post this first before I post the new poem on the passing of my Dad. 31.10.1929-11.05.2022 - Ronald Victor
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 5 months ago
Astounding
It’s sad yes but you have captured the beauty of the man and your relationship to him perfectly and tastefully. Such a heartfelt metaphor.
Excellent. Sorry to hear of your loss,
Tim
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dear Tim
Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad you could see him through my eyes. He was a quiet achiever never asked for accolades. I was the luckiest little girl in the world to get him for my Dad. I'm nearly done with the poem I am writing for him. I'll post soon.
Sincerely J
Candlewitch
2 years 5 months ago
dear Seren
I just don't have the words...
*love & hugs, Cat
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dearest Cat
Biggest hugs thank you for reading this one.
Much love J x
lovedly
2 years 5 months ago
You do really excel Jess'a call from heaven my voice will come
I know a day will come
our connection will be broken
your star gaze will not return
and I’ll cry a new empty ocean.
But until then,
in sleep’s folded caress
a slow river runs calm,
its watery fingers polish
the unforgettable shine
on the touchstone
of my love,
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dear Lovely
Thank you my Dad was everything to me.
Love & hugs J x
lovedly
2 years 5 months ago
I'm Glad dads are dads
I'm Glad dads are dads
Mine was like River Nile
cool for miles
all smiles
AND
I for my daughter am the MOUNT
call it EVEREST
NEVER at rest
she loves me
deeper than the Pacific ocean
I can bet thee
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Lovely
I think it was a generational thing, my grandparents didn't show emotions much except for my Dads parents they never hid the fact they loved me. Mums parents if they were alive would be in their 120's I was born when my father was middle aged. My father never told me he loved me until he was in his 70's. I always knew he did but to hear those words was ... I don't have the words.
Sweets your heart shines through your poetry how could she not love you lovely hugs
Love & big hugs J
lovedly
2 years 5 months ago
u r kindness
sis
jess
we miss
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Lovely I miss him more than I
Lovely I miss him more than I can say. We've lost too many of our greats it makes my heart ache.
Love x
Geezer
2 years 5 months ago
This speaks...
volumes of the love you felt for your father. I am not sure when I have read anything more eloquent than this on the gradual decline of a parent or elderly relative. One day, you suddenly see the years of raising a family etched on their face, and the load carried on their shoulders.
My favorite lines
"and my heart cries the river
that floats you on eddies
of timeless sleep.
Higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dearest Bro
There are not enough words in the world to speak of the love I carry for my father. You of all people know my grief. It devastated me. I'm so glad you think I did him justice, I wanted to depict his decline, never diminishing him. He was the best of us.
Love & higgliest bugs Sis x