Smelling Memories...

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses sensory imagery, particularly scent and sound, to evoke a nostalgic atmosphere. However, there are several areas that could be strengthened:

1. **Consistency in Imagery and Detail:**
The poem opens with a focus on smell ("Smells of such delight"), yet quickly shifts predominantly toward auditory imagery ("I hear my mother stirring," "gentle whistle," "sisters laughing"). Consider maintaining a stronger balance or clearer transitions between sensory details to ensure consistency and coherence.

2. **Cliché and Familiar Expressions:**
Phrases such as "quiet as a mouse," "mother dear," and "warm and toasty bread" are common and somewhat predictable. Consider freshening these images with more unique or personal descriptions to enhance originality and emotional resonance.

3. **Clarity and Precision in Language:**
The line "puts wonder in my head" is vague. Clarifying or specifying the nature of this "wonder" could deepen the reader's emotional connection to the speaker's experience.

4. **Development of Theme:**
The poem concludes with a reflective statement ("brought back from past, here for you and me"), but the idea of memory and nostalgia could be more explicitly developed throughout the poem. Consider incorporating subtle hints or contrasts between past and present earlier in the poem to strengthen thematic coherence.

5. **Rhythm and Flow:**
The rhythm is generally consistent, but some lines feel slightly awkward or forced, such as "mother and us three." Adjusting phrasing or word choice could improve the poem's overall musicality and flow.

By addressing these points, the poem can become more vivid, emotionally resonant, and thematically cohesive.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

a memory of smell is a powerful one, nice tribute to your mum's baking

Hey Geezer, just a minor point. I’ve never known anyone in the UK to put a teapot on the stove. We pop the kettle on never the teapot :) Ruby xx

Thank you for sharing this heavenly memory of you and your Mother's morning ritual of breaking the fast. I feel that every line was descriptive of the warmth of your happiness. How we start the day shapes our mood and how we deal with everything! Your delivery is smooth as a baby's butt!

love ya, Cat

Loved it, brought back memories of my mums' Jam tarts, thick light pastry and great dollops of jam, usually strawberry or blackcurrant. May I make a suggestion or 2, or 3 even for the third verse.
I pour the boiling water,
She slices hot,thick toasted bread.
A slab of butter, ( your own favourite) jam.
OH!, tis magic in my head.

Last line I think 'magic on my tongue' is better but somehow it don't rhyme.

Now you can tell me to push off. Alex

Maybe not the same over here. Bread toasted under the grill or as my dad used to do it, on a stick in front of an open fire. Thick and hot, often burnt round the edges, lovely.I think last line better now but the flavour of the jam would, I think, make the line flow smoother into the next. Alex.

Congrats Dood! Enjoyed this one.

Best

Your poem brought me there, in my case it was Grandma’s kitchen and those quiet exchanges shall live on and linger. That word again, “linger.” :-)

... your gift with the rest of us, Geezer. I enjoyed the imagery of this latest prize-winner.

Found the AI critique a bit "amusing". Been subjected to a few of those (though most often the computer/algorithm says it can't even offer a response), and they usually reaffirm my belief that the "program" is highly deficient for lack of human thought, emotion and discernment, among other things. Your work, on the other hand, is emotive, engaging and adept. Bravo!

This poem reminded me of the fermented porridge my grandma used to make up. Great word usage. I'm a little sad because she isn't on this earth anymore but your poem is beautiful

I stopped by to tell you Congratulations and good win!

love ya Cat