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Mar 19, 2025
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Smile
Got no money in my pocket
too many holes are in my shoes
but I smile
yes I smile
Cos I got the blues
No roof for my shelter
no work for me to do
but I smile
yes I smile
Cos I got the blues
Got a load of nothing
so much nothing i got to lose
but I smile
yes I smile
Cos I got the blues
tell yourself you're happy
in that fancy house and car
too busy with the Jones's
to know who you really are
a slave to our plastic
trapped in your living room
Praise the god of retail
Who commands you to consume
But I got myself the eye
so I can see the truth
That's why I smile, yes I smile,
I got the blues
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I reckon this will also be a song. This is about the ownership of material things not being as important as a life and a heart, in this case the blues. Blues is a feeling and also a release through creativity and music. It lets you explore the world without dragging yourself into oblivion ruled by worthless consumer goods and the expectations of society. It also makes fun of the folk who live in boxes trying to keep up with the latest special offers and neighbor's. Once up[on a time your neighbor's were your friends and support network, now they are your opponents in the game of who Has What.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively uses repetition and contrast to emphasize its central theme of finding contentment and authenticity amid material hardship. The repeated refrain "but I smile, yes I smile, Cos I got the blues" creates a rhythmic consistency and reinforces the speaker's attitude toward adversity. However, the poem could benefit from greater specificity and imagery in describing the speaker's circumstances to deepen emotional resonance and avoid overly familiar generalizations.
The shift in tone and perspective in the stanza beginning with "tell yourself you're happy" introduces a critique of consumerism and societal expectations. While this critique is clear, it risks becoming overly direct and didactic. Consider using subtler imagery or metaphor to convey this critique, allowing readers to draw their own conclusions rather than explicitly stating the message.
Additionally, the phrase "I got the blues" is repeated frequently, which aligns with the poem's structure and blues tradition. However, expanding or varying this phrase slightly in later stanzas could add complexity and maintain reader engagement.
Finally, the line "But I got myself the eye so I can see the truth" introduces an intriguing concept. Clarifying or expanding upon this metaphor earlier in the poem might strengthen thematic coherence and deepen the reader's understanding of the speaker's perspective.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Frederick Kesner
3 months ago
It’s quite amazing that AI is
It’s quite amazing that AI is into country, makes one wonder what it’s encoder is like. I also would very much like here it put to music as reading it aloud feels just the slightest bit bare without ‘accompaniment.’ Perhaps that’s ‘cause of its blues feel. I like that it’s highly lyrical and that it is driven by meaning and feeling, just a tad short of outright story telling, a poem with a tale.