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Nov 11, 2023
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This poem is part of the challenge:
November 2023 Challenge Things That Make You Smile
Smiling...
Babies make me smile
no matter what the kind
I love to see them laugh
at the new things that they find
My lips are bound to curl
at bouncy, blonded hair
dandelions tied with ribbons
petals blowing in the air
Or maybe puppy-dogs
I like the old ones too
I just can't decide
The [ONE] I want,or two?
Smiles are free, let's give them away
I've got a few for you
I'll bet you've got some spare ones
If not , there's always new
So, lots of things make me smile
I do it all the time
Now it really makes me smile
when I'm doing it in rhyme
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 7 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Smiling..." effectively uses simple language and a consistent rhyme scheme to convey a light-hearted and positive theme. The choice of everyday, relatable imagery such as babies, puppies, and dandelions enhances the poem's accessibility and appeal.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter to improve the rhythm and flow. For example, the line "The [ONE] I want,or two?" disrupts the established rhythm due to its shorter length. Consider revising this line to match the syllable count of the surrounding lines.
The use of the placeholder "[ONE]" in the line "The [ONE] I want,or two?" is unclear. If this is intended to be a placeholder for a specific noun, it would be beneficial to replace it with the intended word to provide clarity for the reader.
The poem's concluding lines effectively tie back to the title and theme, reinforcing the central message about the joy of smiling. However, the line "If not , there's always new" could be clarified. It is unclear what "new" refers to in this context. Consider revising this line for clarity.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates its theme and evokes positive emotions. With some revisions to improve rhythm, clarity, and consistency, it has the potential to be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 year 7 months ago
Yes, they do...
if we stop having babies there will be no future.
Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
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RoseBlack
1 year 7 months ago
Babies and puppies
Two very happy things. They bring so much joy and unconditional love, turning a frown upside down for sure. This was a really sweet poem. Wouldnt change a thing.
Geezer
1 year 7 months ago
Thank you...
I wish that it were as simple a thing as loving babies and dogs, it would make the world a so much better place.
Thank you, ~ Geez.
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Tawny023
1 year 7 months ago
The poem is definitely true
The poem is definitely true for most of us. There may ppl who don’t like dogs or babies but I am with you and swoon for both. :) Thanks for the connection and lending your smile.
Geezer
1 year 7 months ago
My pleasure...
I don't trust people that don't like babies and/or dogs. I learned a long time ago, that it's hard to keep a smile from your face when faced with a baby or a puppy-dog. Not the only things, but some of the best things, and I give my smile to any that want one. I get them for free, I certainly can afford to give them away. ~ Geezer.
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Lavender
1 year 7 months ago
Smiling
Hi, Geezer,
"...dandelions tied with ribbons." What wonderful poetry!
L