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alidzain
alidzain
Jun 23, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Smiling For Them (For Lovedly)

Facing life's trials,
sometimes we crack in silence.
Negative feelings
crawling out of the shadows
as our patience are tested..

When you feel so lost,
remember the good times shared.
Find your strength again
with the knowledge you are loved
by people who'll wish you joy.

The young will grow old,
the strong will weaken with age,
the living will die.
Who's to say how long we'll last?
We can't stop the passing time

You know I'll be there
when you drop your smile, my friend,
I'll pick and keep it
until you are strong enough
to wear it for them again.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

More from this author

Comments

alidzain

alidzain

9 years ago

jess

those words coming from you makes me smile. Gladyou liked it.

Alid

weirdelf

weirdelf

9 years ago

Now the critique

It reads like prose, only the content is poetic.
Consider some prosodic qualities like meter, alliteration, maybe even rhyme when you revise it.
I do like it very much; please consider prosodic qualities when you revise it.

lovedly

lovedly

9 years ago

beautiful as it is post another one

prosidically
metaphorically
and smilingly
but no caustically
may be prosaically

this is perhaps
the nth poem written on me
across the skies
by gals and guys
am I not to feel honoured
O poets tell me
your love is unique
I say to thee you
are a poet equally
lovely
says
Lovedly

alidzain

alidzain

9 years ago

loved

glad you liked it. I'm struggling, trying to follow Jess's advice.

Alid

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

9 years ago

alid,

Sometimes good enough is best.
Walk away from it and come back to it in a week or two you might find a muse.
Just don't struggle, if it's a struggle it's not worth writing. It should flow from within you.

I like it and find it a touching write.
Now we are all here to take part in honing the craft.
Not to get headaches from it. LOL!

Eddie C.

alidzain

alidzain

9 years ago

Jess

I think you are fine. You tell the truth as you see it and that prompts me to do something about it. I do find it difficult to write in english unless it is in free verse or near rhymes.

Alid

lovedly

lovedly

9 years ago

for you Alidz I still say be yourself ur not English nor Aussie

Woman Power is Coming

From 88th floor of
Empire state building
New York
appears as a budding rose
one encompassing
all kinds of human beings
come
New York
says

'''I am the Rose''''

Half she conceals
Half she reveals
Which half is what
ask her
as no one here knows

Such love
made for each other
Sweety and he

Musical tonight
Okay alright
but

in the darkness of night
all need some light
even teeth white
else who will come inside

For you
ALIDZ
as a present
for the poem you composed for me

So many have composed on me
these last few years
may be ten

At times I wonder why
who am I
simply a simple non learned poet
But still poet
I will be
remembered hopefully!
as TIME PASSES me....

alidzain

alidzain

9 years ago

Very true, loved

i'm a malay by race. However, I like to learn more when it concerns language and writing skills. It's just that my schedule is always too pack for me to really get serious on it.

Alid