Smitten (Battle)

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the internal conflict of encountering someone unexpectedly, likely a crush or significant figure, and the emotional turbulence that follows. The title, “Smitten (Battle),” frames the experience as a struggle, which is reinforced by the poem’s structure and diction.

The poem’s form—short lines, abrupt punctuation, and ellipses—mirrors the speaker’s disrupted breathing and fragmented thoughts. The use of exclamations (“I spy! / NO! / don’t see me!”) effectively conveys the sudden rush of adrenaline and embarrassment. The physical response (“breath stops, / slowly... / returning as a thousand needles”) is a strong metaphor for anxiety or excitement, though “a thousand needles” is a familiar image and could be made more original for greater impact.

The poem shifts from panic to a plea for composure: “please lift me, / bring with you / my pride newly patched / from its tattered and torn / state of being.” The metaphor of pride as something mended is clear and relatable, though “tattered and torn / state of being” is somewhat generic; more specific imagery could deepen the emotional resonance.

The closing lines—“courage, I know you’re there / somewhere, / having faced worse / I summon you, / now conjure up a smile…”—capture the self-encouragement and vulnerability of the moment. The invocation of courage personifies the emotion, adding a layer of drama to the internal battle.

Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its pacing and the depiction of emotional immediacy. To enhance the piece, consider developing more original metaphors and concrete images, and perhaps clarifying the stakes of the “battle” to further distinguish this encounter from more commonplace experiences. The poem’s voice is consistent, and the structure supports the content, but greater specificity could elevate the emotional impact.

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Hi, Cat,

Do I sense that this is about being brave with the possibility of new love after heartache?

I know you've shared something similar to this before.

Thank you!

L