Geezer

Nov 21, 2019 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Snow Date... November Sonnet Contest

Shall we prepare love, for a winter's day?
A snow filled sally to a sloping hill
You have a car sir and I have a sleigh
We have warm clothes love, please do say you will

A fire to warm us, we can be alone
A picnic basket, filled up with delights
Won't say where we go, and turn off the phone
We will stay for hours, mayhap until night

A sonnet for you, kisses for my face
Wine with the cheeses chocolate candy
Come with me darling, down hill we will race
It will be such fun, it will be dandy

I love you sweetheart, say you love me too
Hearts together beat, I only love you

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Sparrow 42

5 years 7 months ago

This is the best Sonnet I have seen in many years here,
that it would be a mir akle if I produced a sonnet let alone one to this quality..
I may try to produce one but I am not even going for second place this time..
Yours as always Ian ..

Geezer

5 years 7 months ago

Thank you Ian...

I wasn't sure that I could do it! I had to go look up the rules for producing a sonnet.
It was hard, but fun. As ever, ~ Gee.
.

Rula

5 years 7 months ago

What a delightful

read Gee. I can't but agree with sparrow.
My only thought is that you either punctuate it all through or leave it altogether.
Thank you for sharing.

Geezer

5 years 7 months ago

I did...

have some reservations about the punctuation and I will attend to it. Thank you for the kind words. ~ Gee.
.

chima ononogbu

5 years 7 months ago

Nice

Really deep and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Geezer

5 years 7 months ago

Thank you Sir...

It is, to me, one of the most difficult forms. You have to be rigid in the expression and yet produce something that makes sense and is appealing to the reader. ~ Geezer.
.

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 7 months ago

Cute.

But a bit sloppy and sentimental.
A bottle of champagne per head in the picnic basket would spice things up a bit.

Geezer

5 years 7 months ago

Thank you Edna...

As I said to Ian, I had to look up the rules for producing a sonnet and then to choose one form from among the half-dozen or so. It was to be either a dramatic piece or a sloppy romantic. I choose the romantic, it being the easiest to produce. I do suppose that I could have done a dramatic, drunken piece that consisted of a prurient nature, but decided that proper was the way to go.
~ Geezer.
.

Obadiah Grey

5 years 7 months ago

Tapping into the feminine

Tapping into the feminine side perhaps!
I don't mind sloppy at all if its well written, as this is.

Obi.

Geezer

5 years 7 months ago

Thank you Sir...

Good to see you. Thanks for the kind comment. In truth, as I was writing this, I was reminded of the time a girl asked me to take her sleigh-riding, so yes, from a feminine point of view. ~ Geezer.
.

Rula

5 years 7 months ago

Reading this again

With fresh eyes, most lines deviate from pentemeter.
I still love it though.