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A Societal Love Poem

An avalanche has started
there's cold ice, all around;
all the shards, that have fallen
have found solace...on the ground.

And, the bitterness that blinds me
as I try, to see ahead;
reminds me, I'm not worthy
no matter, what's been said.

I thank God for the lessons
I've been allowed, to learn;
let me be, a good example
if it ever, is my turn.

And, for my odd behaviour,
I must apologize;
but, that whimsical demeanor
is what's help me realize;

that, we're supposed to run, and play
in the grace that God has shown,
and share a love so perfect
more than any love, we've known.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates, Poe, Dickinson, and Dr. Seuss. There are a smattering of others, but why bother listing 'em all, ya know?, I also rely on a few of our poets, here....for advice, and what not. I couldn't possibly explain what a fountain of live, effective knowledge we have...right here in our midst ! To catch a glimmer of brilliance, merely visit: the Stream.

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Comments

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 4 months ago

Yeah the commas

disrupt what would otherwise be a beautifully flowing piece, one filled with wisdom and good rhythm.
I would like to see this one bereft of all commas, just to see where it would take the cadence.
A good write, close to being most excellent.