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someday he will come
Someday he will come. When the timing is right
he'll ride to my door on a horse pure and white.
Perhaps, even better, a big jaguar -
not the wild animal … I mean the car -
with roses on long stems, chocolate delights.
He’ll whisk me away to his house on the heights,
the tale of my dull, boring life to re-write,
perchance even, one day, to make me a star.
Someday he will come
As his protégée, I'll have every invite
and really and truly I don't want to skite
but when it ensues, I'll be greater by far
than they who got there via producer's boudoirs.
Each day I wear make-up; hair, combed, looks alright.
Someday he will come.
.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: rondeau - mixed verse
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
12 years 7 months ago
mixed verse rondeau… I wrote for fun
I have parsed this to show it is still in tetrameter and dimeter (lol - i hope)
Some -day| he will come. | When the tim | ing is right
he'll ride | to my door | on a horse| pure and white.
Per haps, | ev -en bett | er, a big | jag -u -ar -
not the wild | an -i mal | I mean I the car -
with ros | -es on long | stems, choc | -late de –lights.
He'll whisk | me a-way | to his house | on the heights,
the tale | of my dull, | bor -ing life | to re- write,
per -chance| e -ven, one | day, to make | me a star.
Some day | he will come
As his | prot é gée, | I'll have e | -very in -vite
and real | -ly and tru | -ly I don't | want to skite
but when| it en sues, | I'll be great | er by far
than they | who got there | via prod u | cer's boud oirs.
Each day | I wear make | -up; hair, combed | looks al –right.
Some day | he will come.
love judy
xxx
Nordic cloud
12 years 7 months ago
Well done judyanne
...he will come alright.
I am not judge of the form, or whatever you call this, but it was beautifully twisted to. And full of humour, do you know, Erik has bought himself an enzo Ferrari in shining red, it runs guided by his red and silver iPod, it looks decorative under the black TV :) He thought he might get one in his old age, although he's young yet at 86.
Love annanya
judyanne
12 years 7 months ago
thank you annanya
for the very kind comments
lol - it is getting a little late now i think :)
i hope erik enjoys his ferrari - we all deserve a little luxury in life (shame he can't fit into it to go for a drive though)
love judy
xxx
sueb
12 years 7 months ago
like this made me smile
like this made me smile
judyanne
12 years 7 months ago
thank you very much sueb
thank you very much sueb
i'm glad it tickled your fancy :)
love judy
xxx
BlueDemon77
12 years 7 months ago
ambitious and fun
Well done Judy! I appreciate the precision, the wit, and the skill of this work. This feels like if flowed from you effortlessly. I've had two aborted efforts at a rondeau for the workshop. I'm in a block, my ink is coagulated so I'm going to have to frigging strong-arm it. I'm off contract now so I'll have to try the sleep deprivation/fasting thing for a couple days. That always seems to help get me going. Great work once again.
Ron
judyanne
12 years 7 months ago
thanks ron
it did pop out somewhat by itself
don't give up - i look forward to your submiissions, and it really is a fun form
love judy
xxx
wesley snow
12 years 7 months ago
This is a fun piece.
It made me want to read it fast, but reading quickly caused it to be something of a tongue twister. I liked the effect.
judyanne
12 years 6 months ago
thanks wes
for the great comment
love judy
xxx
loved
12 years 7 months ago
all the best
when he does come...
if he does
as u say he will
give a kiss
also for////from
me
loveloey
poetry you write
judyanne
12 years 6 months ago
lol
ok
xxx