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Rosewood Apothecary
Rosewood Apothecary
Jul 09, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Something in the Wind

When all my spoken promises
Deprived of mass, become windswept
Displaced by tempest of the mind
Destined, never to be kept

Depressed, dejected, but aware
I will retreat into myself
Spend some time and walk the halls
Examine all the dusty shelves

Tokens and reminders there
Like little trophies from the past
Tarnished with elapsing time,
sweat, and tears their cups amassed

Amongst the flotsam all around
I see the object of my search
A gentle net upon a pole
Resides upon intended perch

I fetch it down and waste no time
The wind is heedless to my cause
I rush on through the ante room
Without the luxury of pause

Bewildered by this stroke of luck
The wind is stagnant, what a sight
Both pledge and vow list in the air
Flash bugs on a summer night

Suspended and not drifting far
Weightless fodder for my net
Today must be a lucky day
Maybe, I’ll reclaim them yet

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Little something about taking time to process emotions before reacting.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S.A., USA

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years ago

dear Tim,

it is a worthy goal and path that you have set your feet upon. I wish you good luck with it. I really like these lines:

Suspended and not drifting far
Weightless fodder for my net
Today must be a lucky day
Just maybe, I’ll reclaim them yet

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

Geezer

3 years ago

I'm loving...

this piece! I like the title, the theme and the rhyme. Just a couple of little bobbles in the meter, that can be fixed with a little attention. Sometimes the meter can be thrown off by a simple placement of words.
I would try using:

Destined, never to be kept instead of the proffered line.

[Alas]? Alas usually denotes the dismay of a scenario. I would use [Hooray!]

Delete the word [Like], you still get the idea across and keep the meter.

Delete the [Just], again, you get the message across, keeping the meter.

All-in-all, a very good poem that kept my interest all the way through. ~ Geez.
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RoseBlack

RoseBlack

3 years ago

I like

Everything about this. I think we all save things from our past and sometimes revisiting them brings back such fond memories. Excellent write!

Warrior Princess

Warrior Princess

3 years ago

Rosewood Apothecary this was

Rosewood Apothecary this was a fine read. I like the fact that in the poem you were able to bring out the optimistic spirit of the person while reminiscing on trophies and tokens.

My favourites lines are
Depressed, dejected, but aware
I will retreat into myself.
Spend some time and walk the halls
Examine all the dusty shelves

Self-reflection and being present in our own space allow us to think and look at life from a different perspective, being grateful for what we would have accomplished. Beautifully penned.

Geezer

Geezer

3 years ago

I see that...

you have rewritten and rearranged this piece to be better than ever! I applaud your sense of what it takes to make this even more than it was in the beginning! Bravo! ~ Geez.
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