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Feb 02, 2022
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Something's missing.
Something’s missing, Something grand
Something worth more than a thousand lands
A misplaced gold lost to sand
Belonging to fretful, worn-out hands
A bit of sky
A bit of soul
A foolish lie
That had been sold
Something’s missing, something whole
Something to fill these empty bowls
Worth more than flame in winter’s cold
Belonging to one whose loss unknown
A smidge of grain
A taste of glee
Amid the rain
That one can’t see
Something’s missing, A piece of me
Something I did not know I need
A fate unmet that I must please
Belonging to a poem- I’ve yet to read
A child’s wish forgotten still
A god’s plead-ful mumble
The little bird at windowsills
That none can bare to humble
Something’s missing, I do not know
Something I’ve yet to meet
Perhaps one day, when I’m alone
It will dare to speak to me
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is my first time posting a poem on here, I really want to improve my writing so please give me any feedback that you think I could use! thanks :)
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 4 months ago
I'm liking...
the search for a poem or story that speaks to you especially! I read lots of poetry here on the site and I do find the occasional
piece that does speak to me personally. Of course, I do mostly write about every day, ordinary things that people encounter,
and I feel good about appealing to and finding subjects that others find appealing. I don't find anything that I would change,
A good piece of work! Welcome to Neopoet, it's good to see people really interested in improving their work and not just dumping poetry to get pats on the head. ~ Geezer.
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Obadiah Grey
3 years 4 months ago
Good formatting.
Good formatting.
Great rhythm and cadence.
Very muchly enjoyed.
The one thing lacking is,,,,,, The next poem!
Obi.