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T
Tallisman
Feb 23, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The song

She sings her songs in the silence
Her voice so strong and free
Her words for a while a sweet pretence
An echo of normality
Her words are that of sadness
Lost loves, lost hopes, lost lives
She sings among the madness
Brings unexpected tears to my eyes
I don’t know who is singing
But her voice does break my heart
For a moment hope is clinging
And my soul shatters apart
Inevitably the song was ended
Life continues as before
For a moment in time I pretended
Life was worth living for
I long to hear that voice again
To revel in it once more
In a world so cold and inhumane
I felt my spirit soar
Floating high upon her sweet song
To where the Gods hold sway
Losing briefly all thats wrong
Feel my worries fall away
Maybe I heard an Angel sing
And into paradise trod
And for the flutter of an Angels wing
I tasted the scent of God.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: United kingdom

More from this author

Comments

Seren

Seren

2 years 7 months ago

Dear Tallisman

I really liked this one and the end line is a cracker, though I have one suggestion maybe tweak the second last line to solidify that end line a little

From this

And for the flutter of an Angels wing

To this

Off the breath of an angels wing

Just a suggestion.

Kind Regards Seren

T

Tallisman

2 years 7 months ago

Dear Seren

I guess my line was about time rather than the scent. But I kinda like yours…

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 7 months ago

hello Talisman,

a beautiful poem to be sure. do you know this lovely person who produces such songs that inspire you so? she sounds like your muse.

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 7 months ago

Very nicely done...

A tale of song lifting one's spirits.
I find just a couple of tiny things that could be adjusted.

"Brings unexpected tears to my eyes", could be:
[Brings tears unbidden to my eyes].

The other place is:
"But her voice breaks my heart"
[But her voice [sure] breaks my heart] or But her voice [does] break my heart.

I think that takes care of the two places I feel are slightly out of rhythm.

Again, a very well-crafted poem, that touches the heart. ~ Geezer.
.

T

Tallisman

2 years 7 months ago

Dear Geezer

Fair comment! Unbidden works for me.. “does” is a possibility… more work required! Thanks!