Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A Song from our Ancestors
Through the darkest blue of midnight
I see the winter of life's song,
I hear the sweetness of a melody
in a time that is all wrong;
I can hear off in the distance
a knowing tune that whistles, free
and, I can hear a song that's wrong, you must agree.
Notes are played, by memory
while not adhering to the score,
I hear a tune that waits for no one
for those who wait, on the dancing floor,
I feel the message of a lyric
that sings a song of what's in store,
and the harmonies of a tune that does implore.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
scribbler
14 years 6 months ago
hello doc
I often hear the lines of ancestors late at night also. I have a few variation if you care to hear them
L-6 delete "the"
L-7 try :I can hear a song that's wrong, for both you and me
L-8 try : I see notes played by memory
last line you could add really in front of care
just a few ideas on a write that is good as is........................scribbler