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A Sonnet for Emma
She was always a strict woman but kind
Respectful and helpful in many ways
Her faith has been exact and well-defined
Old fashioned but still flexible these days
She is the matriarch of my family
Raising each and every one of us right
Instructing us to behave tactfully
And then to say our prayers every night
Now at ninety-six her voice is gentle
As the fog of dementia clouds her mind
But the lucid states are instrumental
Showing us a strength that never resigned
A mother endures many life trials
But her love shines brightly through her smiles
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A poem for my abuelita (grandmother) who just turned 96 years old. Though dementia has been clouding her mind lately, she won't give in.
Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Lavender
1 month ago
A Sonnet for Emma
Hello, Wallyroo,
How endearing! A precious homage to a very special woman in your life! I'm wondering if you actually meant to enter this into the "In Honor of Women" contest, as it meets the sonnet structure requirement. You may want to think about that... :)
The poem has a wonderful rhyme pattern - kudos, especially, for "gentle" and "instrumental." I believe you may want to use the word "tactfully" in a different sense in order to keep the rhyme. It is an adverb and needs a verb to go along with it (other than "be.") Maybe "behave" tactfully?
Beautiful final line.
Thank you!
L
I came back to this... uncertain about "be" as you probably mean it as in "live" or "exist." It stands out awkwardly to me, and doesn't seem grammatically correct, but that may just be me. :)
Wallyroo92
3 weeks 5 days ago
A Sonnet for Emma
Hi Lavender, thank you for reading and suggesting some updates.
Yes, I sat on this one for a couple of days as I think in the excitement of writing this out I didn't fully properly proofread, but you were right, it was a bit awkward. I had to change a couple of words in that line so that it falls within the structure.
Also, I'll send you a message as to why I didn't enter the Sonnet contest.
W
Geezer
1 month ago
I think...
you could use a line like: Taught us to give courtesy or some such to smooth it out.
I love the sonnet for your grandmother.
I miss mine to this day, over sixty-five years ago. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
Wallyroo92
3 weeks 5 days ago
A Sonnet for Emma
Thank you Geez,
Yes, I had to re-think and redo that line.
Also, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. We know that their time, like ours will come. She raised me from the time I was born until I was about nine. I owe a lot to her. I hope that the memories, photos we have of them bring a little comfort to our lives.
W
Candlewitch
1 month ago
Dear Wallyroo.
This is a beautiful poem, I love the tenderness with which you write. She is indeed a very special Lady!
fondly, Cat
Wallyroo92
3 weeks 5 days ago
A Sonnet for Emma
Thank you so much for those kind words Cat. I make it a habit to visit every week and spend some time with her and my mother. She doesn't talk much, but her smiles are full of love whenever anyone of her kids, grandkids and great grandkids are around.
W