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Sep 15, 2014
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A Son's Worry
Once again, you're warded in the hospital,
leaving me feeling so helpless,
wondering if I have failed as a son
in spite of my best efforts..
Mother, please get well
Your children are waiting for your return
There is an air of melancholy here
lingering in your absence
The house is clouded with loneliness
and though we did not say it
so apparent, is our sadness
that our words stumbled in speech
while our hearts are swallowed
by a feeling of emptiness
and it hurts so much
that I can't hold back my tears
I want you to be home,
surrounded by your loved ones
but crying will change nothing
so i sent you my prayers and loving
hoping that you will be better
and we can be together
once again...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: My mum is warded 2 days ago. I am trying to do what I can but it really worries me...
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
you and her
Are in my thoughts and prayers Khalid.
I can feel the pain coming through your words.
This is a very heartfelt writing indeed.
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Salaam, Rula
Thank you very much.
Alid
Ian.T
10 years 10 months ago
Salaam, young Khalid
A heart wrenching write, when we are helpless and can but watch over those that are ill.
I shall ask my friends the children to attend, to bring that gentle glow of the young and their energy to lift the feelings.
It is hard to be there young man, I had no choice when my Mother was ill I couldn't go tell her the things she would have loved to hear from one of her children.
Just believe in all you know, and do the things you know that is your task.
I can only be here and listen out for you, but the children will be there now as soon as it is asked of them they will attend.
I shall also ask Alice, she is about 9 and loves to read, she will whisper the stories on the wind, as the days become silent, then
they will be heard as a rustle in the trees.
Alid lean on your faith and you will be rewarded,
Yours Ian.T
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Ian
Thank you for the visit and the comment.
Alid