Gracy

Mar 31, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sorrow

When you were yet a child, so dear to me,
tummy flat upon the rug, finger on a book
to read the lines, your lips a babbling brook,
my heart went out to you, my busy bumble-bee.

I loved those hours, so full of joyous play,
loved your curly hair, the sturdy limbs
so quick your favourite oak to climb;
better times there never were, nor gladder days.

Now I sit beside your arms upon the quilt,
so motionless, their lifeline out of symmetry,
and cannot grasp the ingrate chronology,
must hide my face awhile, with tears of guilt.

Yet still I marvel at the gallant spirit in you,
understand battles in those dimming eyes
and guess your nameless sorrow, the solitude,
youth’s body wasted frail his soul to heaven rise.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Please comment and crit, I always do and expect the same. Thanks to all.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Río Negro, Argentine Patagonia, ARG

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, T.S. Elliot. Shakespeare, Gongora, Beckett, etc. Many others, such as Cervantes. I have to thank my mother because she read poetry to me from the cradle, so first I learned by memory and soon understood the words. Grammar comes naturally at about 5 years old, without any formal teaching.

Comments

Gracy

5 years 3 months ago

Thank you so much, Jerry. But

Thank you so much, Jerry. But I don't mind crits, I wish to honor my young son with the best poetry I can compose. Bless you all!

Geezer

5 years 3 months ago

The sadness...

comes through so clearly. I have never felt the pain that I know a parent must feel at the passing of a child; and I hope that I never will. I do have one crit. and that is that although the words look the same, they do not sound the same: limbs and climb.
~ Geezer.
.

c lynn brooks

5 years 3 months ago

Gracy

I am left without words. You have immortalized your child with your words

Gracy

5 years 3 months ago

Hi Lynn, thank you for your

Hi Lynn, thank you for your kind comment. I don't wish anybody to have a son with ALS. It's a horrible decease and science has not found a cure, the headlines are all about corona, which would surely be fatal with ALS. They would probably not be given the oxigen and allowed to die along with many elderly people.

Do comment and acknowledge all poet's works. Thank you.

Gracy

5 years 3 months ago

Why thanks, Mark. I'm glad to

Why thanks, Mark. I'm glad to be here. You're all so helpful. Sorry it made you sad. Patrick's memory is with me always, especially on St. Patrick's Day, birthday and anniversary. He died of ALS aged 29. My therapy was and is, to write poetry about him. Tx for your kind comments.

Do comment and acknowledge all poet's works. Thank you.

Gracy

5 years 3 months ago

Thank you, Gee. I realize

Thank you, Gee. I realize that those words don't rhyme. Have you any suggestions?
I lost 2 sons, the other, Robert, was only 21 years old. He had schizophrenia and died in an accident. Both sons are forever in my heart, they live there, along with my second husband, Carlos, who died 6 years ago after having dementia for 15 years. I've written poems about all of them. I'll be posting them soon.
Thanks for your great comments.

Do comment and acknowledge all poet's works. Thank you.

Geezer

5 years 3 months ago

I'll think on it...

You may have to change a couple of lines a little but it usually can be fixed without changing the meaning of the story.
How about, [and your laughing lines] the near rhyme might be good enough? The ess isn't that noticeable, you just need the main sound which would be the long i and the n to make it. ~ Geez.
.

Gracy

5 years 2 months ago

Hi Geez and I apologize for

Hi Geez and I apologize for taking so long to thank you. Yes, I agree with you, will make the changes. Appreciated.

Gracy

5 years 2 months ago

Thank you, Teddy, for your

Thank you, Teddy, for your consoling comments. ALS is a cruel disease that kills about 3 in 100.000 every year, thereabouts. Young as well as old. Doesn't make headlines because it's not contagious, but there still isn't a cure for it. My son's studies were interrupted at age 23, when he was studying in Salamanca, Spain. We had to bring him home to Buenos Aires and I nursed him, with assistance, during 6 years. Fortunately, he died in his sleep, didn't have any suffocation as the docs predicted.
I'm glad you sense the pain, it's quite so. Your words are much appreciated.