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Aug 27, 2025
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Soul Mate
They said, I was a fool to fall,
to fall in love completely.
‘It’s suicide to swoon and sigh
and say, “she smiles so sweetly.”’
I said, ‘she is my destiny,
a goddess-girl from heaven.
We both were born two days apart,
in nineteen sixty seven.’
They said, ‘the ocean’s full of fish,
like fruit that's ripe for picking.
First love’s a reckless, rash routine:
a habit, well worth kicking.’
‘It rises and it sets with her,’
I said, of sun that's shining.
‘Her soul’s the same as mine, you see;
a soul with silver lining!’
About This Poem
Last Few Words: penned for my first love from the heart
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the theme of love with a conversational tone, presenting a dialogue between the speaker and external voices of skepticism. The structure, with alternating perspectives, effectively conveys the tension between doubt and conviction.
Strengths: - The rhyme scheme is consistent and lends a musical quality that suits the romantic subject. - The use of metaphors such as “a goddess-girl from heaven” and “a soul with silver lining” adds a lyrical and idealistic dimension. - The poem’s narrative progression—from warnings to affirmations—creates a clear emotional arc.
Areas for improvement: - Some phrases feel somewhat conventional or clichéd, such as “the ocean’s full of fish” and “fruit that's ripe for picking.” Consider more original imagery to deepen the poem’s impact. - The line “We both were born two days apart, in nineteen sixty seven” introduces a specific detail that feels somewhat factual and out of place in the otherwise poetic tone. Reflect on whether this detail adds meaningful texture or could be reworked for greater resonance. - The poem could benefit from more varied rhythm or line length to avoid predictability and enhance emotional emphasis. - The phrase “a soul with silver lining” is evocative but slightly ambiguous. Clarifying or expanding this metaphor might strengthen the poem’s thematic depth.
Overall, the poem presents a heartfelt declaration of love that engages with doubt. With more distinctive imagery and rhythmic variation, it could achieve greater emotional and poetic complexity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Ray Miller
1 month ago
Soul Mate
Enjoyed the read. Can first love be termed a habit? Perhaps so.