lou

Mar 03, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Soulless

Squawking crows submerging, the doom lit forest
The sky, slate grey in its misery,
Soul keeper emerges from his unholy lair.
Sub human in his disposition,
Instilling fear and dread in humanity,

Where there once was a man
there is now a immortal being
Twisted interpreter of pain.
Fallen angel, intimate in his distain.
Society's dross, morality dribbled away
Day by day.

Soul sucker dirty little perversion
Hidden for so long.
Has remerged and strikes fear
Into the weak and the strong.
Grim death, seeking your last breath.

The bend of time is infinite.
And so Soul Keeper will remain.
The evil force and engineer
of the world's downfall.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

weirdelf

14 years 4 months ago

Chilling vision!

there is now a immortal being [there is now an immortal being]

Love the line!-
Fallen angel, intimate in his distain.

The only thing that bothers me about this is a kind of philosophical/content type issue. Is the soul keeper death or evil? Either way the line
The evil force of nature,
seems strange, how can nature or death be evil?
Perhaps I am missing something here.

Anyway, really effective write.

lou

14 years 4 months ago

Jess

Thank you,

lou

Kailashana2

14 years 4 months ago

Perhaps Lou, you'll remember

Perhaps Lou, you'll remember that it's is a contraction for *it is* and not to be used in the second line. *Its* is the right write.

Other than that, though I am not an aficionado of overtly dark or sugary poetry, the question of evil being soulless is well-asked.

Also word placement such as *so long hidden* instead of *for so long hidden* is a bit more poetic, imo.

lou

14 years 4 months ago

Anna

Thanks

lou

Kailashana2

14 years 4 months ago

There is no apostrophe after

There is no apostrophe after its. Its in this case is not plural possessive. its is never plural possessive. The apostrophe after an adjective, noun, etc. indicates plural possessive, as in
students' books...students being plural and possessive of books.

(as in its colour, its shape, its sound, its texture, its shaggy hair, its limbs, its leaves, its etc. etc. )

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

I like it lou

I have written something similar to this.You are right, you have a dark side and I like it, lol.Great write lou.

lou

14 years 4 months ago

KZ

Thanks , the poem is based on the protagonist in the fantasy novel i'm writing.

i'm glad that you enjoyed it.

Love Lou

lou

14 years 4 months ago

BEE

thank you

Lou

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Dear Lou,

I've been waiting for Soul Keeper's emergence with baited breath! This is exciting, you have NOT disappointed me in the least! I have a few suggestions for when you get around to doing your edit:

a immortal being
use an immortal being.

Soul sucker , dirty little perversion
get rid of the space between sucker and the comma.

My favorite lines are the last:

The bend of time is infinite.
And so Soul Keeper will remain.
The evil force and engineer
of the world's downfall.

love, Cat (& eddy)

lou

14 years 4 months ago

Cat and Eddy

Thank you , that is a huge compliment.

much love Lou ( and soul keeper)