The sound of the wind

http://vimeo.com/98083863

The sound of the wind
On a cool summer's eve
Sounded good in my ear.

Branches with green leaves
Swing back and forth near to me
Standing in doorway.

Quickly my heart skipped a beat
As the tall oak tree
Swung back and forth toward me.

I visioned you falling on my house
Blocking my doorway
I ran inside to escape you.

Your branching arms pulled me back outside
Snatching me close to your bark
I lost the will to live.

Bruised from head to toe
I clung to your trunk
As first responders cut away your limbs.

Strong arms reached for me
On safety I lie.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Comments

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

Barbara

Loved the theme where the tree and wind are alive and hold you better for the strong armed men though lol.
Hope you wont mind me saying but this would have been very good as a complete set of Senryu, or Haiku.
I found it a little muddled as it was, still loved it.
Yours as always Ian x

Barbara Writes

11 years 1 month ago

Thanks Ian

I was writing about the big tree in yard. It was being blown by high wind. Wasn't thinking haiku or senyru. I like the idea. Nice catch. Did you watch the short video. I changed the last two lines. They was too muddled.

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

Barbara

Yep I noticed the last few lines where you were safe as if it was what you wanted to experience, being lost then found, but this needs a little work to bring the whole thing in a circle from where you start safe at home to those strong arms, more picture if that is so then a poem is called for not Japanese forms.
Take care out there young one,
Yours, Ian.T x

Barbara Writes

11 years 1 month ago

Ian

Thank. It wasn't meant to Japanese form. I'ma work on it some more

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

Hey Carolina girl

You sure went a round about way in order to wind up in men's strong arms lol. That tall oak-stump line is a bit confusing. It sounds as if a stump is swinging in the wind.........stan

Barbara Writes

11 years 1 month ago

Stan

Thanks. I sure gotta fix that. Lol

Barbara Writes

11 years 1 month ago

I've revised it a bit

I think it reads better now.