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The Space Race... Song, or, The Species of Hate...
The Space Race.. Song, or,
The Species of Hate….
Just a song from a shiny spaceman,
he didn’t really sound so far out.
I wonder if the leaders knew his clan,
are we just living with an alien’s lout?
When he lands will he think we’re odd,
is it best for us to act submissive .
Could he have an answer from a god,
will he be instructed to let us live.
Would you believe him if he then said,
man was not meant to rule the earth.
Wouldn’t it waste the wealthy man’s head,
especially if they’d had wealth from birth.
I wonder, if he chose the worm to lead,
could they dig us for their fishing mate.
Would worms demand that we concede,
we have developed as the specie of hate.
What part of earth should we try defend,
such arrogant animals as we’ve become.
Imagine the cheers as we without friend,
wave a white flag while kissing an alien’s bum.
Would we beg forgiveness of our sins,
be like the good dog falling at heel.
Sidelined as a smart new life begins,
no creature considering what we feel.
Does this verse seem familiar to you,
what if this thing is not of man.
But a different creature, something new.
with a kinder more inclusive plan.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just watched a program about Bowie lately, and this sort of floats in..
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
12 years 11 months ago
hi roscoe
a couple of tiny things
‘specie’ – ?should be ‘species’ …
and
‘I wonder if he chose, the worm to lead,’
the comma belongs after ‘wonder’
ie – ‘I wonder, if he chose the worm to lead,’
I like this – fun but with an important question
my only crit is that I don’t think the meter is up to your usual standard – it is a little choppy in places.
the rhyme as usual is excellent, except at ‘familiar/creature’ – I’m not sure that passes even as near rhyme… at least not to my ear
one suggestion
'Does this verse seem familiar to you,
what if this thing is not of man,
but a different creature, something new,
with a kinder more inclusive plan?'
love judy
xxx
Roscoe Lane
12 years 11 months ago
Thank you Judy
Thank you judy, i have made the changes you suggested and think it sounds better. Regards Roscoe...