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Spark to Embers (Wildflowers II)
my life was
like an open wound
full of raw flesh and pain...
my love was
septic, pure sewage
garbage down a drain...
my heart
recognized yours
as a beacon in the dark...
your soul,
fuel for fire
to heighten and spark...
your mouth,
the source of my truths
I will hang on every line...
your eyes,
speak in the softest tones
as together we partake of the wine!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: V. notepad
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Wildflowers II" presents a vivid exploration of emotional pain and subsequent healing through love. The use of metaphors and similes is effective in conveying the speaker's emotional journey. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery. The first two stanzas present a strong, visceral image of emotional pain through the metaphor of an open wound and septic love. However, this level of imagery is not maintained throughout the poem. For instance, the metaphor of the soul as "fuel for fire" is somewhat abstract and could be made more concrete and vivid.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm. The first two stanzas have a rhythmic consistency, with each line containing roughly the same number of syllables. However, this rhythm is not maintained in the later stanzas, which can disrupt the flow of the poem.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the speaker's emotional journey. The transition from pain to healing is presented rather abruptly, with little exploration of the process of healing. The poem could be strengthened by delving deeper into this process, perhaps by exploring the speaker's initial resistance to love, or the gradual realization of their love for the other person.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a powerful emotional journey, but could be improved by maintaining a consistent use of imagery and rhythm, and by exploring the speaker's emotional journey in more depth.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
7 months 3 weeks ago
Whoa...
Your love for this person is shining like a diamond in the rising sun!
I don't see anything that I would change, [except maybe the designation of the piece being free verse! Great job! ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Geezer,
I do not know what to classify this poem as, so I used (free verse) another thing I can do is add punctuation. (I do that last, because I am lousy at it, it is my Achilles Heel!) Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem! I appreciate it very much!
hugs, Cat xxx
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
this person...
is my Steven! Whom I wish would write more poetry, lol!
xxx Cat
Rula
7 months 3 weeks ago
I agree
with sir Geez. But I am a bit doubtful about the title.
Geezer
7 months 3 weeks ago
Yeah...
the title could be better. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
My Dearest Rula,
Thank you, I agree with you and Sir Gee on the title. I am always up for suggestions. have you any ideas?
hugs, Candle xxx
Lavender
7 months 3 weeks ago
Wildflowers II
Hello, Cat,
I agree - this is wonderful. Such a strong feeling of pain vs. healing. I kinda like the title, or at least include "Wildflowers" because what might be considered weeds to some, are actually beautiful flowers to others. Very perceptive.
Thank you!
Lx
I think "sky's" should be skies in that final line?
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Dearest Lavender,
I wrote a previous poem titled "Wildflowers". It is in the same vein... thank you for reading and catching my spelling error ;)
xxx, Cat
Merlicka
7 months 3 weeks ago
Love this
I really do love your writing. It's deep and resonates with me quite a bit. This is a beautiful piece of finding love after pain. Hope after sorrow. As for a title it made me think of Embers. So maybe something a long those lines. Especially with your imagery of fuel to fire.
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Merlicka
thank you so much for reading and commenting on my poem. Should I change the title to (Glowing Embers) ? you have said so many nice things, I really appreciate it!
hugs, Cat xxx
Merlicka
7 months 3 weeks ago
I think the title is a
I think the title is a beautiful choice. Glowing embers was also great
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you!
for getting back to me on the title, I really appreciate it!
xxx Cat
Tawny023
7 months 3 weeks ago
A very real depiction of love
A very real depiction of love and sometimes our lovers are the people we admire most. Always remember you are strong, brilliant, and wonderful too and they are the line but you are the one pulling the rope. It’s a blessing to have that true connection.
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Tawny,
Thank you so very much for your thoughtful comment. I see that you understand the meaning of this poem completely. I appreciate your kind words.
Beginning the Holidays, I wish you many happiness's! Cat.