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Jun 06, 2012
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The Spectrum (rhyme crimes)
Opposite ends of the wheel
the distance far too great
you've lost your sense of feel
and for me it's way too late.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
13 years ago
hi Richard
Good to see you use my favorite rhyme pattern (abab). Rhymes are exact. One of these days you'll write a lengthy poem and I'll die from shock (just kidding.......I think)...............stan
themoonman
13 years ago
thanks Stan,
This was merely a quatrain with proper rhyme,
more could be added but wouldn't want to be guilty
of shocking you (lol)
weirdelf
13 years ago
rhyme is fine
contenct lacking
themoonman
13 years ago
Thanks Jess,
ahhh, I'll have to work on it.
weirdelf
12 years 10 months ago
I've re-read it in a better mood
and like what it says. almost japanese in succinctity.
You can always trust me to be honest, but you can never trust my mood [grins]
judyanne
13 years ago
great richard
so far .... lol
wesley wanted at least two verses, so you'd better add another before he gets here and gives you the hardest assignment :)
and anyway - this needs more elaboration imho
as you well know - this is perfect rhyme xx
love judy
xxx
wesley snow
13 years ago
Judy and I both have no fear of "The Long Poem",
so we both always want more. I think I said "one OR two quatrains", but I'm not wading through it all to find out .
At any rate, we wanted a demonstration that the poet understood the leader's definition of a "proper" rhyme and you do.
I like the poem despite what Judy and Jess feel. Sure it needs fleshing out- it's only one and I'm not asking for quality until the third poem (at which time I may lose some participants due the complexity I'll demand).
wesley