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Jul 16, 2025
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Spidery world of fun
Imagine if spiders,
Were somehow less scary.
Legs all dangly,
Wobbling like jelly.
Or perhaps, they could wear,
Eight tap shoes,
And dance all day.
Their web could be,
A tight rope of fun,
With a ball pit beneath.
Or a trampoline.
I'd be no longer
Scared, or anxious.
Instead I'd have a blast.
in this spidery world of fun.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores an imaginative and playful reimagining of spiders, transforming them from sources of fear into figures of fun and delight. The concept is engaging and offers a fresh perspective on a common phobia.
Strengths: - The poem uses vivid and accessible imagery, such as "legs all dangly / Wobbling like jelly" and "Eight tap shoes / And dance all day," which effectively conveys a whimsical tone. - The shift from fear to enjoyment is clear and well-structured, guiding the reader through the speaker’s changing feelings. - The rhythm is generally smooth, supporting the lighthearted mood.
Areas for improvement: 1. Line Breaks and Punctuation: The poem currently reads as a series of short lines without punctuation, which can disrupt flow and clarity. Introducing punctuation or adjusting line breaks to group related ideas could enhance readability and impact. 2. Consistency in Imagery: While the poem introduces playful images, some transitions feel abrupt—for example, moving from tap shoes to a "tight rope of fun." Consider adding connective language or expanding these images to create smoother transitions.
3. Depth of Emotion: The poem touches on fear and anxiety but resolves quickly into fun. Adding a few lines that delve a bit deeper into the speaker’s initial feelings or the transformation process could add emotional resonance.
4. Word Choice: Some phrases like "I'd be no longer / Scared or anxious" might be more effective with more poetic or evocative language, rather than straightforward statements.
Overall, focusing on refining the poem’s structure and deepening the emotional journey will strengthen its impact while preserving its charming and imaginative qualities.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months 1 week ago
I enjoyed...
this one a lot. I used to feed the spiders in our little garden on E. Main St. I had a fear of them getting on me, but figured if they were well-fed, they wouldn't try to bite me. Ha ha. I do agree that the form is a little short in the punctuation dept. but, altogether a fun read. ~ Geez.
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