Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 26, 2019
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Spirit Flies
her body the bones of the earth
with a heart like an oozing slit
a goblin infusoria blur
smatter cautioning lips
on a golden head
and radiate a tumbling ludicrous halo
for a saintly gutted fish still making caviar
to feed blind kittens
a curdled soul warps the mind
the moon hiccups
a sky-rocket
and her kisses seal a destiny
with a trickle wetted mouth
and bulgy vagina; exultation of love
like bellowing lungs
flesh falls
spirit flies
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
6 years 3 months ago
Another nice fantasy
By our Poet laureate of erotic surrealism. I prefer the poem to begin with the second stanza. The first doesn’t set me up for the Eros of the poem I guess it’s the halo creared by blind kittens eating a fish...a bit of a stretch for me to connect that image. But the rest of the poem is self contained and immediate
zebra
6 years 3 months ago
Howdy
Your comment about the first stanza is perceptive Mark and it rang my bell, so I edit
and radiate a tumbling ludicrous halo
like a gutted fish still making caviar
for blind kittens....
while a stretch this is simply a metaphor for sacrifice. And as you know what each generation ideally does for its offspring, the thread that runs through all religion and a principal of natures cycle ...life and death.
Best Z
Geezer
6 years 3 months ago
You sure do have...
some great lines, as usual. I am not about to try and figure out what it all means; but I sure do appreciate the visuals! You have a "Killer" mind. ~ Geezer.
.
zebra
6 years 3 months ago
Yeah thats okay There are
Yeah thats okay There are other uses of language besides concrete meaning or the narrative as the primary The exploratory use of sound in Dada ie Kurt Schwitters ursonations is one element Quills vein back understands this very well although the surrealists only came in second to dada with respect to abstraction
There are a billion stories; most of them endlessly and drudgeriously overlapping It is very difficult to find one that is both original and deeply captivating So for me the way its told is more important than the telling itself
Its not that I avoid meaning at all
I explore it in metaphor or symbol which at least in my opinion paints by way of image instead of a literal explanation
EX: and radiate a tumbling ludicrous halo
for a saintly gutted fish still making caviar
to feed blind kittens
So the above lines refer to both sacrifice with sarcasm through the cycles of nature and predation Best Z