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Triskelion
Triskelion
Jul 30, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Spreading wings FV creation

The marriage of Oeagrus

sandal dust rose
in the overcast affliction
of midday
I was reaching for rain
when
horizon born Calliope
touching clouds like a spear
appeared
her lustrous beauty
in an instance of blinding fire
ate my nakedness

approaching
but then again
a vision of the wind in flux

Oh, save me

the lamb of subjection covered me
the smell of sandal dust
and steel mixed with blood
I begged her eyes

highlighting her golden girdle
soporific sunshine
slept...
for this age of waste, was,
in my eyes
as I wept

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hope it's okay. I expanded on an exercise in free verse. I don't really appreciate the (form) like others do, but thought I would throw this out there to the sharks.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lake Simcoe Canada

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel,

More from this author

Comments

S

scribbler

3 years 11 months ago

Well, I don't write a lot of free verse

But I have found doing so once in a while actually helps me in my preferred western classic writing. I suggest you also "force" youself to write in free verse outside this shop some for the same reason

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 11 months ago

It is...

a nice change to pursue that free verse, every now and then. When you catch it right, it is a great trophy. I enjoyed this one from you. I would change just one thing! In the line; "the smell of sandal dust" I would use [sandalwood] instead of sandal dust. Most people know the smell of sandalwood and it is an exceedingly pleasant smell which can be associated with the idea of olfactory use in this line. ~ Geez.
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Triskelion

Triskelion

3 years 11 months ago

Thanks scribbler and Geezer

I'm not sure how to respond to your comments. In a sense, when I prepare to write a traditional poem, I do sort of arrange my thoughts in (free verse) before I begin. Does that make sense?

Geezer, Is there any particular stanza that you like more than another?

Thomas

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 11 months ago

Yes...

the last one. ~ Geez.
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