Earn A Poem Workshop 1

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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 11/10/24 to 11/16/24

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St. Dunstan and the Devil.

The Hammer rose, on anvil crashed,
Sparks flew and embers glowed
As diamonds in a coal black sky
While the farrier sweated and bowed.

He laboured long, all through the day,
By night his music rang,
As his anvil crashed from the hammers blow
So his harp, soft, mellow sang.

One night so cold he sat and played
When close from out his hut
A wailing came, discordant, loud
As wild beast on the rut.

The door flew wide, to his feet he leapt
He saw his visitor bawling,
The devil clad in female attire
On all fours came in crawling.

The devil wept and pleaded:
"I beg replace this broken shoe.
No price you ask will be too high
Whate'er you say I'll do".

Dunstan smiled and beckoned
Then to his workshop led,
He set the brazier burning
When red hot turned and said:

"Now my friend your leg raise",
And then without ado
Into the broken splintered hoof
Hammered a red hot shoe.

The devil screamed and hollered;
He skipped about the shed
He begged to Dunstan take it off
But the farrier smiled and said:

"Not yet my friend, no not just yet,
Until I hear you vow
Respect for the horseshoe symbol
To eternity from now".

The devil sobbed, sank to his knees
Cursed, swore from that day forth
On every door that horseshoes hung
Good luck would dwell henceforth.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Isle of Wight United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Poe, Swinburn, Bob Dylan, Spike Milligan, Alfred Noyes, Kipling., Many Others.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

7 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "St. Dunstan and the Devil," is a narrative piece that tells a story in a vivid and engaging manner. The use of rhyme and rhythm contributes to the overall flow of the poem, making it enjoyable to read. However, there is room for improvement in terms of consistency and clarity.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. While some stanzas follow an AABB pattern, others deviate from this, which can disrupt the rhythm and flow. For instance, the stanza beginning with "The devil wept and pleaded" does not adhere to a clear rhyme scheme. Consistency in rhyme can enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

Secondly, the poem could be clearer in its storytelling. While the narrative is generally easy to follow, there are moments where the details become a bit confusing. For example, in the stanza starting with "The devil wept and pleaded," it's unclear why the devil is suddenly in female attire and on all fours. Providing more context or explanation could help to clarify these moments and make the narrative more coherent.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied and descriptive language. While the poem does a good job of setting the scene and describing the actions of the characters, there are opportunities to use more imaginative and evocative language. This could help to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind and enhance the overall impact of the poem. For instance, instead of simply stating that the devil "screamed and hollered," consider using more descriptive language to convey his pain and desperation.

Overall, this poem has a compelling narrative and a strong sense of rhythm, but could be improved with more consistency, clarity, and descriptive language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

7 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Alex,

the only thing missing is, what happens if you hang it upside down (all the luck runs out) maybe the Devil did not mention that on purpose? I rally like your rhyming poem, as it was not only entertaining, but it made me think!

hugs, Cat

Alex Tanner

7 months 2 weeks ago

Hello Cat

If the horseshoe is hung upside down over the door the good luck flows out, surrounds the door and prevents evil from entering, hung with ends up it will catch good luck. It's win win. Alex.