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Apr 25, 2024
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The star
Her beauty is a refraction of the sun's warm and gentle touch. Without his light, she would not know here or there, whether there is movement or if she is stationary. She sees herself in his light, and she is seen. She turns the lights out to reacquaint herself with the reality she once knew, it seems the further she gets from the light, the farther it takes her when she steps into the spotlight. She feels overwhelmed and the crowd is raised from the depths as she is propelled into that light... another day... another night...in another life
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Thank you. Hope you enjoyed it!!!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 2 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The star" explores the relationship between a star and the sun, using metaphorical language to convey a sense of dependence, self-reflection, and transformation. The imagery of light and beauty is effectively utilized to create a vivid picture of the star's experience.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of the poem to enhance its flow and impact. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza breaks, or punctuation could help create a more dynamic rhythm and emphasize key moments in the narrative. Additionally, revisiting the use of pronouns and clarifying the subject of each sentence could enhance the clarity and coherence of the poem.
Overall, the poem shows potential in its exploration of themes such as identity, perception, and growth. With some revisions to structure and clarity, it could further amplify the emotional resonance and depth of the piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
1 year 2 months ago
The Star
Hello, Bamboo,
Welcome to Neopoet!
I can sense the warmth and energy given throughout this poem. It has an uncertainty to it - the star's reliance on the sun is both positive and a bit vulnerable. It feels as if the star is both a metaphor and a literal person. I will read again after your response.
Thank you!
Lavender