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Feb 22, 2025
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The Star Of The West
Somewhere out in the west
My mother is singing her favorite song
The dinner fire burns bright and strong
And whatever meager meal she was able to put together
Has warmed their weary souls
You see, we've never had much
Of the right things, that is
But out there in the west
Where the evening breeze sings softly
Among the dry magonono trees
And the howls of the hyenas
Pierce through the silent night
Where the night sky has so many stars
You wouldn't know what to do with
Out there in the desolate west
Not much comes around
So the little that we do get
We learn to appreciate
But I've had to leave that world behind
And I've been lost since
At times I wander out in the evenings
I look out toward the star of the west
And think of the warmth of the dinner fire
The taste of my mother's cooking
And her song in the silent evening
Then for just a moment
I can feel my heart beating again
Often I find myself thinking
Wondering what exactly broke me
Because even around that dinner fire
I didn't exactly belong
But the sound of my mother singing
Made the emptiness in my soul
A little bit easier to bear
A. SWANTALALA
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I was born and raised on a small village on the edges of the Kalahari, west of the city where I now stay. Out there, people still use open wood fires to cook and for light and warmth. Just to help you understand, everything mentioned in the poem is real.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Star Of The West" beautifully captures a sense of longing and nostalgia for a simpler, more connected past. The imagery of the dinner fire, the evening breeze, and the night sky with countless stars creates a vivid setting that evokes a strong emotional response. The contrast between the speaker's current state of being lost and the warmth and comfort of their memories in the west is poignant.
One suggestion for improvement could be to further explore the emotions and internal conflict of the speaker. Delving deeper into the reasons behind feeling like they didn't belong even around the dinner fire could add layers to the narrative and help readers connect more deeply with the speaker's journey. Additionally, considering varying the structure or rhythm of the poem could enhance its impact and create a more dynamic reading experience.
Overall, "The Star Of The West" is a heartfelt and evocative piece that effectively conveys a sense of yearning for a place and time that hold deep significance for the speaker. By delving deeper
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
3 months 3 weeks ago
The Star of the West
Hello, Trail,
This warms my heart and soul. There is a longing and loneliness, but still a gratitude and affection for the most important and precious people and things in life. I sense the title is a beautiful description of your Mother. Wonderful poetry.
Thank you!
L
Trail
3 months 3 weeks ago
Hey L
Sometimes city life just gets too loud and too fast for me. Gets me thinking of the quiet little village on the edges of the Kalahari where my mother was born and raised. My star of the west gets me grounded, reminds me that there are slow paced and quiet places in this world. Thank you so much