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May 12, 2025
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starborn
Stars burn, but wounds of light remain,
While hands grasp for what won’t sustain.
The night calls sharp, to where visions ran,
Unraveled dreams nascent truth began
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "starborn" effectively captures the theme of fleeting desires and the search for meaning in the vastness of the universe. The imagery of stars burning and leaving wounds of light behind is evocative and thought-provoking. The contrast between the transient nature of dreams and the enduring quality of truths is well portrayed. Consider exploring the idea of sustenance further to enhance the depth of the poem. Additionally, paying attention to the flow and structure of the verses could help strengthen the overall impact of the piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months ago
Well...
it's kind of free verse. But I think it's more of a rhymer with an extra bump that needs smoothing out. I would go with deleting the
[where, in the line, "Unraveled dreams [where] nascent truths began.
thus making it; Unraveled dreams, nascent truth began. [The singular truth will do it nicely]. You could eliminate the word [nascent], but I think that it would take away from the line.~ Geez.
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Frederick Kesner
2 months ago
Thanks for that value
Thanks for that value confirmation. Very solid suggestion there thank you.