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Jun 07, 2012
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Stay
Soft
cool touch of lust
Inviting
shivers of recognition
Beyond
mortal comprehension
Your smell
energy that charges my soul
Sweet
taste of neck to lips
Liquid
embrace of whole
Never
leave me
Your ghost
leaves me pleading
Rush
bids me play
Stay...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Somehow its just not the same
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Roscoe Lane
13 years 1 month ago
Just one,
Just one crit, i'd remove fang and put lips or tongue. Apart from that i like this poem.I don't think i've read your work before, if this is the case. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet Sergio Vagros. Regards Roscoe...
Sergio Vagros
13 years ago
Thanks
Thank you for the nice welcome.I think this is my 4th or 5th here.
raj
13 years 1 month ago
Hi Sergio
Engrossing images captured nicely by you of intimate moments...the structure is appealing since it recreates the progression...i do agree with Roscoe about the change from fang to a more sensual word usage...
Sergio Vagros
13 years ago
Thanks
Thank you