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C
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 10/19/24 to 10/26/24

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Stay!

STAY
Stay with me
Get my heart pumping
Tell me I'm enough and
Embrace me

Come back
Undo my death
Restore my breath
And make me whole again

Unchain me
Destroy these shackles
Free me from this torture
My dashing anti-hero

Be mine
Sweep me off my feet
Be my knight in shining
armour
Make me swoon

Resurrect me
Bring me to life with
Your electric touch
Be my Frankenstein
I'll be your monster

Break me
Shatter my spirit
Be my undoing
I'll love you forever

Hypnotize me
Put me under a spell
Say my name and
Watch me worship you

All I want is you
So just stay!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: South Africa

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

8 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem titled "Stay!" presents an emotionally charged plea, which effectively communicates the speaker's longing and desperation. It uses a variety of metaphors and imagery to convey these feelings, which adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter and rhyme. The current structure is irregular, which can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow of the narrative. Implementing a consistent meter and rhyme scheme could help to enhance the rhythm of the poem and make it more engaging to read.

In terms of content, the poem could be improved by providing more specific details about the relationship between the speaker and the person they are addressing. This would help to make the poem more relatable and emotionally resonant for readers.

The poem also uses a number of clichés, such as "knight in shining armor" and "sweep me off my feet". While these phrases can be effective in certain contexts, they can also make the poem feel generic and less original. Replacing these clichés with more unique and personal expressions could help to make the poem more distinctive and memorable.

Finally, the poem could be enhanced by exploring the contradictions and complexities of the speaker's feelings in more depth. For example, the speaker expresses both a desire to be "unchained" and "broken", which suggests a complex and potentially destructive relationship. Delving deeper into these contradictions could add a layer of psychological depth to the poem and make it more thought-provoking for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

8 months 1 week ago

Dear Calvin,

This is pretty impressive for a first poem! my favorite lines are:

Break me
Shatter my spirit
Be my undoing
I'll love you forever

Hypnotize me
Put me under a spell
Say my name and
Watch me worship you

welcome to the ranks of Neopoets! now go and read the poems of others in the stream and please do comment on them! by-the-way..it is very nice to meet you!

*hugs, Cat

C

Calvin

8 months 1 week ago

Thank you very much that

Thank you very much that means a lot to me and I can't wait to start reading other poems in here. And it's nice to meet you too : )