Stir Crazy( critique workshop)

The quiet screams at me
it echoes and surrounds
emptiness within these walls
nothing stirs but I

Images and imagination running rampant
searcing for a place to land and take seed
but there is only one that breathes
with a fertile mind
to plant a seed

How long must this go on?
before the rest of me
is gone
how long,how long

About This Poem

Last Few Words: those that know me know I will have surgery (nothing awful) and I have to isolate from the general public as best as possible it has been four days and this is the product

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen, Edgar Alan Poe, ray Bradbury, John Grissom, .Alan S Jeeves James patterson,

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

4 years 9 months ago

In spending a lot of time in my room
and socially distancing from my friends and family
I feel much the same. The brief respite I had
at my sister's little brother-sisters gathering recently
did wonders for me and my wife. I was particularly
struck by the use of [I] instead of [me] in your first
stanza. It emphasized the aloneness and made it better understood.

I was interested in the next stanza and what it said about the
fertile mind and planting a seed. Is it the one person that has
been particpating in the workshop?

[A gentle reminder to those that
joined, but so far, have not participated].

~ Gee.
.

c lynn brooks

4 years 9 months ago

teddy

tk you I see what you mean with that one line good call

Geezer

4 years 9 months ago

Froggy bottom pond...

I would use the word [gulping] instead of swatting
Swatting makes it sound more like he is using a fly-swatter.
River banks don't amble; how about [on]?
~Geez.
.