Rosewood Apothecary

Jan 02, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Stones

So the world piled on the stones
As it is always apt to do
I built a fortress ‘round this heart
Inside the darkness grew

So solitarily confined
Despite your close proximity
Drawbridge raised, prepared for siege
You hadn’t tried to lay on me

Castle crumbled from within
Repurposed stones now used to pave
A road for you to find my heart
This well of love I have

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S.A., USA

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.

Comments

Candlewitch

2 years 6 months ago

dear Tim,

I'm a sucker for a tale of the melting of ice to allow love to flow freely. nicely done!

*hugs, Cat

Lavender

2 years 6 months ago

Hello, Tim,
A great metaphor for our nature to defend ourselves and keep ourselves safe. Like Cat, I love it when the walls come down. I stumbled a bit with the line "You hadn't tried to lay on me." I believe I understood it to mean that the threat was not there after all, but I was not certain. Another meaningful poem!
L

Geezer

2 years 6 months ago

I love...

the heartfelt emotion found here. You must make life fun for your partner! I was amused at the obvious attempt of making it seem like the lines ending in [pave] and [have] rhyme. I guess visual acuity is paramount? LoL
As to the line: "You hadn't tried to lay on me" causing a stumble, it is just the kind of thing that confuses people when every line is capitalized. Not a big deal, but an example. Nice work and the kind of thoughts I have come to expect from you. ~Geez.
.

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 6 months ago

That line needs attention

I’m sure never would project the meaning of the line better. I understand what you’re saying…if that line was not capitalized you would attach it to the preceding line and it’s meaning would be clearer. Everyone seems to have understood the meaning of the poem as I intended but that is a bit awkward. I’ll try and fix that. Thanks again for reading and criticism.

Tim

Geezer

2 years 6 months ago

I think that...

adding [never] to that line, will do the job. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

2 years 6 months ago

Hi, Tim,

I think it was the word "lay" that made me hesitate, which I realize goes along with your title and theme. That stanza felt a little more intense and military-like to me by including "drawbridge" and "siege." Maybe something like: "Though you never tried to conquer me." As is, I definitely understood your meaning, I just needed a moment to re-associate it with the piling of stones. Still, a deep and meaningful poem.
Thank you!
L

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 6 months ago

To lay siege to someone’s castle

I’m gonna play around with it

Lavender

2 years 6 months ago

Thank you

for the explanation. Now I understand!
L

RoseBlack

2 years 6 months ago

Hi Tim

The letting down of the walls around your heart....your writing is always filled with sincere admiration, love and gratitude for your partner. Well done!