Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jan 25, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Stop Whining
You stumble,grumble,cry,shy,sip,then trip,fall,get back up
Scraped,stained,bruised.
Then you moan,an groan,with some regret,
Only to wine again.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I would like all comments, an help, thank you.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Stop Whining" effectively conveys a sense of frustration and cyclical behavior through its repetitive structure and use of alliteration. The progression from stumbling to falling, getting back up, and then repeating the cycle is clear and impactful. However, there are some areas that could be improved for clarity and coherence. The use of commas in "You stumble,grumble,cry,shy,sip,then trip,fall,get back up" may disrupt the flow of the poem. Consider using line breaks or punctuation to separate the actions more effectively. Additionally, the transition from describing physical actions to emotional responses could be smoother to enhance the overall impact of the poem. Strengthening the connection between the physical and emotional aspects of the subject's behavior could create a more cohesive and powerful message.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact