Lavender

Oct 26, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the challenge:

October 2023 Challenge Write a poem about being caught in a rain storm 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Storm

I stood at the intersection
of Jefferson and Pine,
the library on the northeast corner,
Rosa's cafe across the street.
The sky above grew black,
brewing a storm,
soliciting anger.
Coveting a mood from me.

Where were you?

Children hopped up and down the library steps
counting to twelve with each trip
as the cafe customers dining al fresco
pulled together plates and glasses,
rising to dive inside.
The children scattered as raindrops painted
the steps, first with freckles,
then with a heavy brush drowned in fury.

You were nowhere.

I checked my idle phone.
A prayer seethed from my lips.
I let the rain beat me, unfeeling,
almost welcoming its wrath,
its diffusion vanishing down my spine,
its frustration steaming onto my shoes.
I believe there was thunder somewhere -
deep down, despaired.

I walked away.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

RoseBlack

1 year 8 months ago

Stood up?

If I am interpreting this correctly! You have conveyed the feelings so well and tied it into the impending storm. Being stood up is one of the worst feelings and sparks so many emotions. As always, written elegantly. Good job!

Lavender

1 year 8 months ago

Hello, Carrie,

A storm of sorts, for sure! We sometimes don't know what's going to take form when we start to write, do we?
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.
L

Geezer

1 year 8 months ago

Woooooo...

I wouldn't have wanted to cross paths with you on the wrong side of that incident! Yowwww! I could feel the heat in the steaming footprints down the street!
Nothing else to say, nicely done!
~ Geez.
.

Lavender

1 year 8 months ago

Hello, Geezer,

It just seemed to take shape. I imagined being at the corner of one of my favorite intersections in a nearby small town, and the storm hit. :) I suppose we've all had a similar experience.
Thank you for reading and your encouragement!
L

Candlewitch

1 year 8 months ago

dear Lavender,

fumes of seething heat give a rush of controlled anger soon to burst forth... I love this!!! wonderful work done here. the style, which I admire, is all your own. I could not pick out favorite lines, as the poem should not be broken down.

*hugs & love, Cat

Lavender

1 year 8 months ago

Hello, Cat,

The metaphor just poured itself out. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! Thank you, always, for commenting!
L

paleoray

1 year 8 months ago

Splendid imagery depicted

Splendid imagery depicted here. I like your unique style with the two types of storms mounting in your piece that play off of each other. Very well written indeed. Thank you for this post.

Lavender

1 year 8 months ago

Hello, paleoray,

I appreciate your kind comments. I used to fight writing about bitter feelings, but then learned they were sometimes poem-worthy.
Thank you!
L

Clentin

1 year 7 months ago

I loved your poem. A storm

I loved your poem. A storm quitely capturing inner rage, feelings of disappointment seem evident.

Lavender

1 year 7 months ago

Hello, Clentin

Thank you for reading! I'm pleased that you liked it!
L

Leslie

1 year 4 months ago

Lavender

Though I kn.ow you're no fool, this reminds me of a song that has many of the same elements Bitter yes but very
creatve and descriptive.

Lavender

1 year 4 months ago

Hello, Leslie,

This never actually happened to me, but I tried to imagine it as best as possible. I'm glad it seemed to work!
Thank you for reading!
L

Michael Anthony

1 year 4 months ago

Great imagery L! Your

Great imagery L! Your descriptions of the beginnings of the rain were sublime - loved this piece - well done!

Best

Lavender

1 year 4 months ago

Hello, Michael!

I love visualizing poetry before it forms into words. I'm sure you do, too. It's almost like meditation. You watch it happening in your mind. I could hear those raindrops hitting the steps, see them splash and spread out right before a child's foot stepped on them. Beautiful slow motion in life. I absolutely love where poetry takes us.
Thank you, as always, for you input!
L

Clentin

1 year 4 months ago

I re read your poem, I am not

I re read your poem, I am not sure about my thoughts. Being stood up? Or really missing someone no longer around?

Just my thoughts, a very good poem with emotion.

Lavender

1 year 4 months ago

Hello, Clentin,

Definitely being stood up. A double storm of sorts!
Thank you!
L