Stormy's Deciet: Bitter Fruit (not for contest)

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem presents a vivid narrative of sibling rivalry and domestic tension, using a confessional, almost prose-like structure. The poem’s voice is direct and unsentimental, which suits the subject matter of childhood grievances and the complex dynamics among sisters. The use of specific details—such as the stuffed dog’s broken neck and the rearrangement of furniture—grounds the poem in lived experience and gives it a sense of authenticity.

Structurally, the poem is composed of quatrains, but the meter and rhyme are inconsistent. Some stanzas employ end rhyme (“eyes/nose/spies”), while others do not, which can disrupt the reader’s expectations. If the intention is to use formal elements, more consistent attention to rhythm and rhyme would strengthen the poem’s cohesion. Alternatively, if a looser form is preferred, enjambment and line breaks could be used more strategically to enhance the poem’s pacing and emotional impact.

The characterization of Stormy and Kathryn is clear, though the language sometimes lapses into telling rather than showing (e.g., “Kathryn was a vile plotting coward”). The poem is most effective when it dramatizes conflict through action and dialogue rather than summary judgment. For example, the episode of the rearranged furniture is rendered with energy and suspense, making the emotional stakes tangible.

The poem’s tone is accusatory and laced with bitterness, which is consistent with the speaker’s perspective. However, the emotional range could be expanded by allowing moments of ambiguity or vulnerability to surface. The final revelation—Stormy’s nightly escapes and the implication of sexual experience—adds a layer of complexity, but it arrives abruptly. More foreshadowing or reflection on the implications of this discovery could deepen the poem’s impact.

Attention to grammar and word choice would also benefit the poem. The title contains a misspelling (“Deciet” should be “Deceit”), and some lines are awkwardly phrased (“more than been kissed!”). Careful revision for clarity and precision would help the poem communicate its themes more effectively.

Overall, the poem offers a compelling glimpse into the fraught relationships of adolescence, but would benefit from greater formal control, more nuanced characterization, and careful editing.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

A girl of fifteen more than been kissed....what a way to put it and what a way to end it. So much war under a single roof, I could almost see the dislike filling the unoccupied spaces in the house. Thanks for that.

I think I'll revisit this one as I am not quiet sure I'm getting the ending . May be I need some help?

and a boy, I did not have to sleep in the same room with my sisters beyond the age of six. I admire the revenge scheme and something that I would have undertaken had the situation been my own. I was just devious enough to plot against my year and a half younger sister, and make sure that my mother saw her treachery, while I proclaimed my innocence. I was going to suggest that you could combine some lines and make this shorter to conform to the forty-line standard for contests, but I simply don't know how to do that without compromising the integrity of the whole thing. A good, true story deserves to be told in totality. ~ Geez.

.

I'm waiting for you to tell the story about how you stopped her from bouncing you in bed. ;)

Wow! Shows real intense feelings!