the strawberries are bitter still

if i press my head on a pile of sand
i can hear the ants
the waking cherry blossoms
mother painting the fences three shades
of pink

this canvas i'm admiring
is last year's clouds
the fat rumbling of late march and thursday
the glass wind chime dangling
from her fingers

when i'm tired of courting sunsets
i think of father
the summer gone fields
mother uprooting vines and soaking sorrow
with patience

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I'm compiling a "working book" and will like any suggestions to improve before i submit it to the press. thanks in advance! oh, and i'm happy to return any constructive critiques :)

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Favorite Poets: Nizar Qabbani, Anne Sexton, Charles Bukowski, Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore, e e cummings, Pablo Neruda, Jalal ad-Dīn Muhammad Rumi

Comments

Nordic cloud

14 years 3 months ago

Splendid, to use an old word

For a new poem,
so new and full like Spring bushes and blossoming trees,
said in such a meaningful manner,
beautiful my paper umbrella,
you float through here
among the desperate poems
like a transparent butterfly this morning
as the sun catches the fir tree tops
and lights up the new purple and salmon coloured shoots
on the white-trunked birch trees.

Love from Ann in a view.

paper umbrella

14 years 3 months ago

thank you for your lovely

thank you for your lovely poem :) and for the read

Geezer

14 years 3 months ago

Very good...

but I left this one with a puzzle. What is the signifigance of Thursday? I think it detracts a little from the overall perfection of this work. ~ Geezer

paper umbrella

14 years 3 months ago

thank you for bringing that

thank you for bringing that up :) yesterday was thursday, the poem was just a reflection of my thought and events that occurred yesterday

paper umbrella

14 years 3 months ago

i tend to use dates and days

i tend to use dates and days quite often in my poems lol. mainly because, like you said, it's personal, and that poem was written yesterday, a thursday and it was an observation of the events that occurred on the 31st of march :) thanks for the read