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Stretching Wings Workshop (rhyme to free verse)
This is the Geezer's rhyming poem
Born To Be Wild
I float upon stormy seas
Forever in my youth
Can't bring me to my knees
I'll ride the blustered winds
All my care-free days
Don't think of me a fool
I won't ever change my ways
I'll tame the ways of age
Figure out the road
Keep on jumping all around
Like Spring's hoppy-toad
So, don't tell me to "Go slower"
I just won't comply
If I say I will, my friend
Just take it for a lie
My FV version (with any apologies for misrepresentation)lol
I snub you
Old Man Winter
I'll never know your face
I kick the leaves of fall
False harbinger!
I'll devour you with my tongue, summer
...so deliciously tanned
I am born of spring time
When cowering plants emerge
When rains lash the primal seas
And the wind strips the crests from the towering waves
Blustering wonderfully!
You are fools in time's whirlwind
Subdued and riddled
With the sands of age
I swim in Rage!
I am the Sage!
I am a recalcitrant TOAD!
And I am made to HOP, POP!
I won't give in
Friend, just you watch
I'll say I'll lay
But, lie
Thomas
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Let me know if any part can use clarification or improvement or change. Especially you, Geezer. Thanks
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
scribbler
3 years 10 months ago
we'll see
what gee has to say
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
My only criticism is...
I think you should have kept the three lines after "I am born of Springtime", in the present tense, instead of delving into the past.
Otherwise pretty good!
~ Geez.
.
Triskelion
3 years 10 months ago
Dang
absolutely right. I'll have to watch for that in the future. Thanks.
Thomas