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Stronger
I'm stronger
Than the miligrams
Running in my blood stream
I have fought demons
Created by this mind
Quite ironic, wouldn't you say
This pen is not just a tool
It's a brother in arms
Holding you as hearts race
if I could silence that voice
That takes me prisoner
I would willingly ask
What crime am I guilty of
These four walls would sob
even the northern star
Would look away
Yesterday I was called a hero
And anxiety seemed unphased
Well, I won't stand defeated
Not for the sake of pride
Just so I can show
The millions who
Slow dance with fear
There is beauty in your pain
Passion in every tear
A roar in each deep breath
Soldiers against armies
That need no swords
Still we survive
To show our captor
He has no victory
Only a moment of weakness
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
7 years 9 months ago
Your poem
Among some very startling stanzas are a few ideas which are not covered. Why is fighting demons ironic? How were you the hero? But the main idea comes through in a subtle way with memorable lines like " passion in every tear" and many others.
My own take is whereas I agree to cap the first letter, I'm in that camp, but I also prefer full or no punctuation, not some. You have here just a few commas. The feeling I get is reminiscent of Milosz, the Polish Nobel winner some years ago. Was he an influence in your work?
Eumolpus
7 years 9 months ago
Your poem
.
Eumolpus
7 years 9 months ago
Your poem
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Eumolpus
7 years 9 months ago
Sorry
Used my phone. Weird that it went 3x