lou

Dec 13, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Struggle

Your love asphyxiates, agitating
Stemming my breathe.
I'm struggling for air.

You apply more pressure,
an arm across my neck.
I'm gasping for freedom.

Suffocating, squeezing so tight,
You're afraid to release me,
Scared I'll take flight.

You overwhelm me.
I’m dizzy and confused,
Losing consciousness.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

lou

14 years 7 months ago

shirl

Not sure you would want such a violent, stifling relationship.

lou

Hooded Stranger

14 years 7 months ago

Lou

Lou,

I am not sure about this one:

Do fingers 'bite' into flesh?

Fingers in the neck, but then an arm...an awkward stance I can't quite make the vision.

Maybe the last line should be 'I lose consciousness'.

This appears violent, but you use the word 'affection'...maybe it's just me, but this poem gives me clouded images and feelings.

Sorry mate, just confused with this one,

regards,

lou

14 years 7 months ago

HS

The violence is a metaphor for a styfling relationship. When i say biting into neck, flesh im talking about the impressions someone's fingers would make.

And when i say affection, i mean his idea of love is misguided.

i'll look at the poem again.

Thanks,

Lou

lou

14 years 7 months ago

0h

This poem is kicking my butt, can't get to work aaaarrrg

Lou

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 7 months ago

Lou

all I can say is "RUN!!"
great write, to me it was sort of funny that we can get into situations like this, even though we're grown.
Always Eddie

lou

14 years 7 months ago

Eddie

So true we never really learn.

lou

mand

14 years 7 months ago

Love - a strange and controversial subject. Not sure anyone truly knows what it is. Claiming to love someone but stiffling them to the point of suffocation seems to be obsession and insecurity - just my opinion.

The trouble is the more stiffling they are the more you want to pull away and it becomes a vicious circle. I think you aptly describe this as a struggle.

Very thought provoking poem

Love Mand xxxxxxx