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Oct 13, 2014
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A STUDY IN PINK SECTION 22
Laughing Annabel did not see Urilla's twitching fingers
Mog will never be defeated so easily after surviving for many years
it is easy for him to enter or leave a host's body
before death claims the human soul for eternity
The deranged killer learns the truth when Mog strike
with a great roar, he impaled her back and her body grow slack
Annabel's corpse fell off the horse, a fitting end for a killer without remorse
Mog left Urilla's body to hunt anew seeking another who's just as cruel
While in his grand hotel, Mackwill's mind snapped
his attempt to clear his name reached a dead end
he hatched a plan to burn down his hotel
if others think him dead, he'll be free once again
He looked out of the window and saw John Creel's hotel
the man who has been his nemesis will soon feel his wraith
At that moment John Creel was whistling a joyful tune,
unaware that Mackwill is planning his doom.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I really hope this piece is on the right path.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
wesley snow
10 years 8 months ago
Now you're talkin'!
This is getting nuts! Helter skelter. Ssshh! Wham! Pow!
Way to go Alid.
Now someone get out there and set a torch to that hotel. Find a host for Mog, he can't be finished yet.
Remember, the operative phrase in explanation of a "tragedy" is that everybody dies (it doesn't have to be "everybody", but you get the point).
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 8 months ago
very very nice alid
This is good writing! Now that we are writing from our gut. Very well done and I like my death. Impaling, what a way to go.
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
You know what, Carrie
at first I was worried I can't do well in my part. Now I'm glad I didn't quit the workshop.lol
Alid
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Glad you liked it,sir
Thanks for the encouraging comment.
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 8 months ago
Alid
Great write alid. My story is inline with yours the twitching finger go well with Urilla unconsciousness seeing stars and clouds. Gotta read the rest when I post. Hehe.
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Hi Barbara
actually, Urilla is dead. The twitching fingers is a sign that Mog has repossessed her body to strike at Annabel. However, since its a corpse, Mog could not stay for long in it as it has already started to decay.
Alid
Barbara Writes
10 years 8 months ago
Ok alid
That cleared it up for me
Rula
10 years 8 months ago
and
I thought I have killed Mog the monster.
What are you after guys? :)
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Did we messed up, Rula?
I gotta check.
Alid
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 8 months ago
Alid
I like the concept that Mog cannot stay in a corpse. He has to move on to a living host. I don't think demons can ever be fully vanquished without using some type of magic and that in itself would be another story for another workshop :) Perhaps another collaboration at some point....this has been fun. I must say this is the most I have enjoyed writing poetry in a very long time on here!!!
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Carrie
that's good to hear. For me this is the hardest workshop I have joined since I have to push myself forward in spite of my illness.
Alid
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 8 months ago
Alid
I am battling whatever cold/virus is going around and it doesn't seem to want to let go either. I think you have done a fine job despite your ailment and frustrations.
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Carrie
its not just the flu, its the haze from the smoke caused by the illegal clearing of the land in Indonesia. It's giving me endless headache even though it is still not as bad as last time.
Alid.
alidzain
10 years 8 months ago
Ah, I see it, Rula
What I did is to make it in a way that Annabel only thinks that Mog died when he is only tricking her. I supposed I can't resist reviving the monster so that the story will have a climax that Wes would want. What can I say? Sorry but that's the way it is in this workshop. One person's contribution can change the way the story goes. If its any consolation, I experienced that headache on the earlier stage when I got stuck with my character. First when the first body is not Fritzroy, second when there's a hint of Mackwill's wife having an affair. Anyway, its all good now.
Alid
wesley snow
10 years 8 months ago
I too want Mog defeated,
but perhaps not too quickly and not without causing some more mayhem (I love that word).
Alid, after having read my new instructions you and Rula need to start thinking about your epilogues since that is now your final assignment.
I am preparing a short treatise on the subject and will post it on the syllabus thread.
Don't die just yet, you have one more task.
lonlyhrtsclub13
10 years 8 months ago
do i
get an epilogue?
wesley snow
10 years 8 months ago
Since this new ruling was not in effect when you wrote last,
then yes.
Let's have Carrie write an epilogue, but I will limit it to you three.
All others have the opportunity to write in an expanded format (please be reasonable in its prodigious length).