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Stumbling Blocks... [Stretching Wings Workshop]
Come with us
Let's play
"I'm tired"
Breathing harder
little things
like oxygen
Left alone
worn out with excess
Watching from the side-lines
Days of working out
to days of out of working
and not keeping up,
Empty wallet and soul
It's okay, he convinces himself
"I'm still important"
but it weighs on him
and makes him feel alone
Today, is another day
The phone keeps ringing
Damned telemarketers!
Watching TV, tries singing
along with the commercials
What's the use?
He's just a bit afraid
That's no excuse
Stays in the shallows
where he can wade
Drama Queen, he gets upset
about things don't really matter
He thinks that maybe; a chance yet
his dreams not completely shattered
So, wait for me he says, "I'm coming"
"There's still a chance I'll make it"
He runs and then he wobbles, stumbling
Yells, Keep going! He's no wet blanket
Alone at the starting-line,
when they come back to finish
Joking about: "What took you so long?"
About This Poem
Last Few Words: My first attempt at "Morphing Poetry". I like the form.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Triskelion
3 years 10 months ago
Lol
That was truly tragically entertaining. Dang, what an ending! As usual, your rhyming and meter are as enjoyable.
Thomas
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
Thanks...
I guess tragically entertaining is a good thing? My character is based on my COPD. and the humor is all mine. Like my mother says: " If you don't laugh, you will cry ". Not looking for sympathy, [Well, maybe a little], I just try hard to keep the story from being all tragedy. Note; the two masks that denote plays and performances, have a grin and a grimace; I choose to keep to the tradition and give a bit of both. Thank you for the always good review and comments. ~ Geez.
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Triskelion
3 years 10 months ago
Exactly
What is poetry but a bittersweet experience. To me it is at the very pinnacle of poetic expression. Cheers Geezer
Thomas
scribbler
3 years 10 months ago
Hi Gee
Very enjoyable. Only thing is you switched away from the rhyming quatrains you had morphed into as the poem advanced. I think to remain in such would have been better
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
I will...
look at that and maybe fix it! ~Geez.
.
scribbler
3 years 10 months ago
Try to keep the ending in rhyme if you can since you morphed
into it. The reason why will become clear in upcoming final exercise