Sublimity

Though this is a poem about sublimity, it was anything but sublime.

Quit trying to compromise yourself,. and let the poems flow downstream. There's a middle way.
May you find it.

~A

Hell, what do Ihave to lose. Do I dare ? You bet. Here is my critque:

There are those who seek infinity
in the God of the Holy Trinity
to discover the sublimity of Being
in the shadows of some Divinity

but the bliss of innocence
is lost to suffering in all knowing
for what we seek in the divine
is our own mind's dreaming

POINT MADE: I think, Jess, that we both wrote "less than good" poetry here.

you need to bludgeon your muse with something other than a wet noodle Jess. She/he/it, isn't giving you due respect. ~ Gee

but I liked it. A little Ogden Nash like. Absolutely irreverent, bordering on the stupid silly and yet containing nuggets of truth. If your muse is broken, might I suggest origami? It will piss you off so badly that your imagination will run to get back to the poetry.
wesley

The layout tops the day since this is an experiment and I would say you have done a great job here, I like it. Whether or not we agree with the content or the world view expressed in this piece, it shows the hand of a good craftsman. Well dine.

tr

The first stanza is good. The images of lost souls looking for spiritual guidance ring clear to me. But then I maybe off in my understanding.

the last stanza seem to have been force to rhyme with the first. For ex. Virginity, masculinity seems to be be out of place with what I understand the meaning to be. I maybe wrong, so I would appreciate knowing the interpretation of the last stanza and how the flow fit with the first stanza

The rhyming was good. In this case I believe spirituality has nothing to do with sexuality, but then the both can come together in poetry .
Virginity I think relates with the chasteness of a young girl and the purity of approaching god.

Whereas masculinity gives a totally different meaning. I would thing masculinity is the males imagined ability to stand up to god or take on god's role as head of his families interest as god does the interest of the his people. i realize our belief in relegion differ, but this poem has a quality i find astounding.

...muliebrity. wesley

i'm still a bit new to this, but i felt the rhyming scheme over-powered the poem itself. it is a good read, but after a few lines it feels like 'look how many -inity words i can use', kinda like the 'look how many V-words i used' from the 'V for Vendetta' speech.
still a good read tho.

... I think the thing worked out just fine. With such a rhyme scheme, no reader is going to look at the poem as a great, serious work. The most you can hope for is to throw a pithy thought to them that catches them off guard. Probably what Ogden Nash tried to do in the majority of his work. The poem is a toy with a slight serious edge of reality. I wouldn't change a thing.
wesley