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Geezer
Geezer
Jul 15, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sugarfoot...

Dreams of newer places
scenes I've not seen before
I see different faces
opening other doors

Things I can only imagine
No one seems to know
where these things are happening
Yet, I've a yen to go

Sugarfoot: my mother called it
Didn't understand just why
"Don't put that foot down, my son
unless, you're sure it's dry"

Because once you get it wet
No more roaming, seeking fun
I think you will regret it
The roaming will be done

I've ignored the warning, but
snatched it back a time or two
Only lost some toes
When I've stopped to see the view

But, now my leg is numb
I'm looking down to see
A foot that's been all melted
Oh shit, that puddle's me

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I did see where it could be improved by changing a word or two and did what I thought would tighten it up, but I was trying hard to keep the scansion and a couple of the suggestions would have screwed it up. ~ Gee.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

C

c lynn brooks

5 years ago

Gee

2nd line would this line work better
scenes I've not seen before
last line
out of sync
would puddle is instead of the contraction fall in with the rhythm better

lol

Geezer

Geezer

5 years ago

I took your...

first suggestion to heart and used it, but the second was right in sync. ~, Geez.
.

R

raj

5 years ago

Hi Gee

The last line is such a good climactic end...lol...

reminded me of childhood days when if a foot lands in poo others would say "he cut the cake"..

be well dear friend..

Gracy

Gracy

5 years ago

Hi Geez, I like your poem,

Hi Geez, I like your poem, both the content and the title, which is highly original. As usual, my only nits are about tweaking some lines to make them neater, no so prosy. A suggestion below:

Sugarfoot(;) : my mother called it
I didn't understand (just) why
"Don't (you) put (that) your foot (on) down
unless(,) you're sure it's dry"

Maybe you want it colloquial? As poetry goes, I think it would benefit from a little pruning. TorT, best, Gracy

Geezer

Geezer

5 years ago

Dearest Gracy...

Most all my works are colloquial, but it never hurts to keep the meter running. Thanks for your suggestions, they helped. ~Geez.
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Geezer

Geezer

5 years ago

Diabetic...

are you? LoL I'm surprised that not many of my age have heard the term Sugarfoot; pretty popular colloquialism in my part of the world, in my Mom's time. Glad you liked it. ~ Geez.
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Geezer

Geezer

5 years ago

Thank you...

Glad to have brought a good memory to you. yes, it stands to reason, that if you drink too deeply of the sugary stuff, you will get a belly-ache, or maybe melt a bit. ~ Geez.
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Geezer

Geezer

5 years ago

I'm thinking...

that humour is one of my best failings. Sometimes, I run off at the mouth before I think and I am anxious to make the joke without realizing the end result. ~ Geez.
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Lavender

Lavender

5 years ago

Sugarfoot

Hi, Geezer,
I have not heard the term used this way! A very clever poem - in a sweet, sloppy sorta way! Perfect last line.
Thank you!
L

Geezer

Geezer

5 years ago

Awwwww shucks...

I do have a soft spot for the sweet stuff [sloppy too]. Surprised that not many have heard of the term. Seems as though, it should be a popular one, if you ask me. I think it describes some people's character perfectly. I first heard my mother use the term many years ago; describing her brother [Uncle Reggie] when he had stayed with us for a little. He had just come home from Korea and was okay at first, just relaxing, taking it easy, but soon grew restless and when he spoke of leaving to my Mom, I heard her tell him, much the same thing that I have said in the poem; telling him that she understood that he had a "Sugarfoot." Over the years, I heard her say it numerous times and didn't have to ask what she meant. the intent was always clear. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
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