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S
scribbler
Jul 26, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

summer Haiku

I await autumn
as I sit among the green
and sweat drips from nose

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

I like the human element,

however it lacks a certain frisson.
How to give constructive feedback?
Fucked if I know.
Perhaps the feeling of the nosedrip, significator of work or inappropriate perspiration?

S

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

hi Jess

I had hoped the change from natural description to very human sweating might provide the contrast. Appreciate your dropping by.............stan

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 3 months ago

This one...

had me thinking of all the implications, for instance:
Awaiting with anticipation, or intrepidation of Autumn?
Sitting among the green; liking it or hating it?
Sweat dripping from nose; mowing the lawn?

Anyways, I liked all the implications. ~ Gee

S

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Gee

The good thing about extremely short forms is they leave more room for different interpretations so you can read what you want into this lol...............stan