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S
scribbler
Jul 26, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

summer Haiku

I await autumn
as I sit among the green
and sweat drips from nose

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 12 months ago

I like the human element,

however it lacks a certain frisson.
How to give constructive feedback?
Fucked if I know.
Perhaps the feeling of the nosedrip, significator of work or inappropriate perspiration?

S

scribbler

12 years 12 months ago

hi Jess

I had hoped the change from natural description to very human sweating might provide the contrast. Appreciate your dropping by.............stan

Geezer

Geezer

12 years 12 months ago

This one...

had me thinking of all the implications, for instance:
Awaiting with anticipation, or intrepidation of Autumn?
Sitting among the green; liking it or hating it?
Sweat dripping from nose; mowing the lawn?

Anyways, I liked all the implications. ~ Gee

S

scribbler

12 years 12 months ago

Hi Gee

The good thing about extremely short forms is they leave more room for different interpretations so you can read what you want into this lol...............stan