SUMMER LOST

There was a time when love was free
to make and share it had no price.
It was alright to just "be";
liberation was the only vice

But that was many wars ago
ere innocence of youth was lost.
Like old piles of dirty snow
now mortality figures in the cost.

For love can now result in death
and needles don't deliver life.
Where now the beauty which took my breath
cutting as deep as any scythe?

Is it just I'm getting old
with clear vision of hind sight
that brings back memories on nights, cold
of when it seemed the world was right?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

weirdelf

13 years 12 months ago

I like this but....

liberation is a vice? I think that's not exactly what you meant to say. I wonder that if it weren't poetry you might have been trying to say something like-
we were liberated but felt pressured to indulge so it became a vice

The line
Dirtied like old piles of snow
misses the meter, how about
Dirtied like piles of old snow
small change but hear how the scansion improves? Similarly
Where went beauty which once took my breath
Where went beauty that took my breath

of when it seemed the word was right? [did you mean world?]

oh, and yes, you are getting old [grins]

scribbler

13 years 12 months ago

hey Jess

I recall when being liberated sexually was considered a vice. Gonna consider that snow change and know some change needed in breath line. No matter how many times I preview, i still get typos like "world" lol. I'm not saying I'm old, but I remember when the Dead Sea wasn't even sick lmao........stan

weirdelf

13 years 12 months ago

I remember when wossaname was Burma

and wossaothername was Persia

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

hello Ian

And why did it only bring a Polish dancer to mind lol. Thanks for dropping by..........stan

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

Hi Rose

I agree with omitting comma, but still think innocence was lost is correct. Maybe you misread it to say innocents? Anyhow, good to have you drop by for a visit.................stan

scribbler

13 years 11 months ago

hi Rose

I'm 99.9% sure that singular was and plural were. Yes there have been some friends leave. But I see some who haven't been here since before I arrived have come back. So maybe others will return in time.....stan